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April 16, 2019

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An Introduction to My Latest Novel [the NaNoWriMo 2018 edition]

I shouldn’t technically be writing this post because I haven’t finished the first draft of this novel. I have this unspoken rule that I don’t post about my novels until the first draft is done.

But here I am because we are in the middle of April Camp NaNoWriMo 2019 and I’m still trying to finish the first draft of my NaNoWriMo 2018 novel. Yeah, the one I started in November 2018.

“You can write the flashy, here-are-a-bunch-of-aesthetic-collages, also-playlists, I-finished-the-rough-draft-of-my-novel, mwahahahahahah post after you finish this draft,” I told myself in November.

And here we are mid-April, and I’m writing the post with an unfinished draft anyway. You do the math (not that there’s actually any math to be done–I just wanted to say that).

It’s not a terribly long book (at least not right now in the first draft)–only 55,000 words at this point with probably another 10k to go before the end. I just… have been terrrrrrrible about finishing it (the number of r‘s used increases the weight of a word like “terrible,” in case you didn’t know).

But I’m trying to finish it this month.

Granted, I’ve only written a grand total of 1300 words since the start of the month, which isn’t the most auspicious start, but this book and I already have a history of rallying after an unimpressive start (like that time I wrote only 13,000 words in three weeks and hit the last week of November and wrote like 37,000 words so I could actually finish NaNo… even if I didn’t finish the book).

ANYWHO. Enough of this rambling introduction. Enough waxing eloquently (or not so eloquently) about where this novel has or has not gone. Enough looking back on the set and failed goals of the past four months.

*goes on to say “enough” this or that for another few paragraphs*

I give you my NaNoWriMo 2018 novel (no, I’m not actually giving it to you; that would be awful because it’s still a mess; I’m introducing you to it)!

latest novel 1

Title: Ritter André or To the Red Oceans and Beyond.

Genre: Sci-fi, space opera, aliens, interpersonal drama, space battles, etc.

Wordcount: 55k and climbing (in case you forgot, I haven’t finished the first draft yet).

How long have you had the idea?

I’ve had the idea for almost two years now. To the Red Oceans and Beyond is actually set in the same storyworld/galaxy as my flash fiction collection (Stars and Soul, for the uninitiated), and I got the idea at the same time as those stories.

At first, I thought about it as a flash fiction…. but it was too big. So I started thinking about it as a shorty story. And then a novella. And then finally a novel when I realized how much was going to go on.

Describe what your novel is about!

Hahahahaha, this is the part where I give you as little information as possible because I’m terrrrrrrible at talking about my books and stories (note the r‘s again).

To the Red Oceans and Beyond is about a young criminal investigator who goes to the end of worlds to rescue his kidnapped best friend from a mysterious criminal organization.

Plus, like, aliens, intergalactic drama, and a shipload of interpersonal drama.

Describe your book’s aesthetic!

This is really what this post is for: giving aesthetics, moods, and visuals and not any real information about the story.

~ cityscapes puncturing the atmosphere ~ glowing wires ~ ringed planets ~ solar flares ~ sleek black ~ blue and red tech ~ desolate moons ~ aliens ~ space walks ~ red oceans ~

Introduce us to each of your characters!

Ritter André: my main character and intergalactic criminal investigator. Sometimes I think he’s a product of my mad genius; sometimes I think he’s cardboard. Time will tell.

ritter collage 1

Ritter’s collage; I own none of the pictures

Erick Ikehara: intergalactic criminal investigator and Ritter’s best friend (the one who gets kidnapped); fierce with lots of past hurt; legendary reputation (not that I’m going to tell you why he’s got a legendary reputation, though).

erick collage 1

Erick’s collage; I own none of the pictures

Oberon: a smol, mysterious hackery genius who teams up with Ritter.

oberon collage 1

Oberon’s collage; I own none of the pictures

Philippa: an exiled contender for the throne of the empire spanning half the galaxy; possibly a sociopath.

philippa collage 1

Philippa’s collage; I own none of the pictures

Agrippa (I clearly need to get these names out of my system before I have offspring): a dangerous hacker; also happens to be an Artificial Intelligence with questionable intentions.

agrippa collage 1.jpg

Agrippa’s collage; I own none of the pictures

How do you prepare to write? (Outline, research, stocking up on chocolate, howling, etc.?)

  • Put on a playlist
  • Pin some more pins to my Pinterest board (somehow we’re at 292 pins on this board; don’t know how that happened; probably wasn’t me)
  • Gloat over the portion of the novel that’s already been written
  • Cringe at the portion of the novel that’s already been written
  • Create some character ships that will never actually work in the story
  • Write a completely different story
  • Envision the theatrical trailer
  • Dream of snippets from the sequel
  • Dream of snippets for the epic trilogy conclusion (not that this is actually a trilogy, mind you; it’s supposed to be a standalone, but don’t crush my dream)
  • Etc.

You know, all the usual procrastination stuff.

List 3 things about your novel’s setting.

A certain stolen starship (yet to be named; when it is named, you can bet it will be named something equally weird brilliant as everything else in this novel).

Red oceans. Designing worlds is one of my favorite things, and sometimes I get a little drunk on power and throw something like red oceans into the mix just because I can. And then it somehow gets worked into the title because it becomes a super huge deal in the book.

Outer space. Gotta love it, my dudes.

What’s your character’s goal and who (or what) stands in the way?

Ritter André (that name, though [“Ritter” means “knight,” and “André” means “manly” or “brave warrior” {You: “Isn’t that a little over-the-top?” Me: No comment.}]) spends most of the novel trying to unravel the kidnapping of his best friend and fellow criminal investigator Erick Ikehara.

However, Ritter’s own government has given Erick up for dead, so Ritter must go around the system he cherishes to track a criminal organization spanning the galaxy without starting an intergalactic incident.

What are your book’s themes?

Friendship. Extra-familial brotherhood (i.e. – the deep bonds of family that can be shared between those who don’t share the same blood; think David and Jonathan, Holmes and Watson, Frodo and Sam, Kirk and Spock). Endurance. The nature of morality.

That’s what’s shown up so far.

Playlist.

There are actually several playlists, one for each character (I’m known in some circles as The Playlist Queen, so we all had to know there wasn’t going to be just one playlist). There is some overlap in the songs, and none of the playlists are very long yet, but I’m pretty in love with them.

Ritter | Erick | Philippa | Oberon | Agrippa

Now I just need to finish the novel.

Minor detail, but I should actually finish this thing. I’ve been stuck on the cusp of the climax for like four months now.

Part of it is that life’s been crazy (moving and such), part of it is needful rest, and part of it is not being able to press past being uninspired to finish it. But inspiration or no inspiration, I’m finishing this book. It’s going to need some revisions, but I won’t quit now.

So I’m actually go do that for a little bit since I’ve exhausted all avenues of procrastination.

What is your current project? What does your creative process look like?

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – these questions were ripped off of the old Beautiful Books tag put on by Cait and Skye.

p.p.s. – I think I used a record amount of parenthetical statements in this post, and I don’t even care (I was clearly In A Mood or something when I wrote this entire post).

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April 9, 2019

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What Keeps Me Writing

With my move to Texas, a lot has been thrown up in the air, and I’ve spent a lot of time frantically glancing at God and asking which things I’m supposed to catch and which I’m supposed to let fall out of my life, at least for now.

Of course, writing has been one of the things I’ve been wondering if it should stay or go, and I keep asking myself, “Why doesn’t the urge to write just die off? Why do I keep writing?”

what keeps me writing

I.

I cannot remember a time before I wrote. Yes, there was obviously a time before I could read and write, but I don’t remember it.

While that instinct to write comes very naturally, the writing itself is hard. It’s hard to wrangle a plot when it often seems like I don’t have a single plotting bone in my body. It’s hard to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite until it comes out right. It’s hard to make the time and muster up the motivation when I’m not feeling inspired (which, by the way, is most of the time).

But I keep coming back to it. What brings me back to it?

II.

I no longer find my identity in being a writer or storyteller—that was one of t things that used to compel me to write. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t a writer.

Now, I know that I’m Rosalie, a redeemed slave of God, a part of the bride of Christ. That is my identity, not writing.

With the death of my misplaced identity came a great sense of relief and freedom. It’s okay if I don’t write. It’s okay if I don’t tell stories. They don’t define me, don’t bring meaning to my life.

So what keeps me writing?

III.

One of my dearest friends has entered a season of her life when she isn’t writing anymore, and it feels strange to me to be writing without her, like something’s missing.

But why do I still do it?

IV.

It took me a long time to understand that my writing honors God. As a child of a culture addicted to functionality, I fretted over whether my writing could actually serve a purpose—especially storytelling, my native tongue.

Slowly, painfully, I’ve learned that my writing—my blog, my stories, etc.—doesn’t need to serve a practical, functional purpose.

It can, but it doesn’t need to in order to be valuable or honoring to God. God is glorified in my simple enjoyment in creating, and God is also glorified in my dedication to keep creating when it is less than fun.

My writing doesn’t have to “do” anything else.

I look around at this earth, this planet we’re richly blessed to live on. It doesn’t need all these colors. It doesn’t need all these wondrous creatures. It doesn’t need all these scents or these sounds. It doesn’t need all this beauty, this beauty that doesn’t do anything, that just is.

But aren’t there better things I could do with my time? Why do I keep coming back to writing and art?

V.

Last week I walked to the nearest coffee shop with a notebook tucked in my purse. I ordered a tasty coffee drink in the largest size and picked my spot. I breathed in a moment, whispering to God about an idea only two days old, and then I breathed out a story.

My mind was completely immersed in images and sensations, tangling with words and metaphors, forgetting fear, following the ebb and flow of the story. And I just wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And wrote. For hours. And as I wrote, confusion fled and healing for many things was finished as the ink dried on the pages. It was good. It was joyful.

Why did I spend hours in a coffee shop, drenched in words, writing a story?

VI.

I’ve gotten a lot of clarity about why I still write, hard as it is. There are many reasons, some solid and quantifiable, others more unmeasurable and more difficult to define (but no less real).

I keep writing because writing forces me to grow. It requires dedication. It requires consistency. It requires perseverance. It requires throwing off fear. It requires exploration and risk. It requires patience. It requires trying and failing.

What keeps me writing?

The thrill of creation, of building worlds from the ground up with sheer imagination. The discovery of new characters and personalities and journeys. The way that stories have impacted me, made me into who I am today much like friends. The awe and wonder that stories and storytelling calls out in my blood. The healing I’ve experienced through the act of telling stories. The knowledge that my creativity is a wonderful gift. The delight that my creativity is a special way I get to image Christ.

What keeps me writing?

Knowing I was designed for this—to write. Knowing I was designed to tell stories. Knowing it is a gift I’ve been given to help me make sense of life, to bring healing to completion, to have my imagination redeemed for good things, to enjoy God more, to grow in wonder, to endure and persevere, to see beauty ignite out of ashes.

VII.

I used to think that my writing was God’s gift to the world (yikes, I know). Now, I know that it is one of God’s gifts to me, for my personal good in so many ways, a gift I am privileged to sometimes share with the world.

VIII.

I’m incredibly proud of my creativity, not because it came from me or I worked for it or anything like that, but because I get to use it.

There was a time when I would have been to afraid to write that previous sentence because I feared my own pride so much that I couldn’t have simple confidence and delight in the gifts I’ve been given. I would have been afraid of people thinking I’m conceited.

I’m not afraid of that anymore. At least not about this.

So I’ll say it again: I’m incredibly proud of my creativity and my writing. I’m proud because I am creative in the image Christ. I’m proud because I know that everyone is built to reflect of image of Christ in a unique way, and I’m privileged and honored and humbled and proud and delighted to reflect God in this way: writing and creativity.

I hope I do it with right confidence and boldness all the days of my life.

IX.

I don’t know what this post is supposed to be. Don’t ask me what the Roman numerals are doing besides providing dividers between threads of thought that for some reason belong in this post but couldn’t flow together naturally.

This is, I suppose, more of a journal entry than anything else, an expression of what’s been cycling through my mind and heart… but also a revel in this way God has built me, for my good and his glory.

Thanks for reading. I hope it made sense (yikes).

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – I seriously hope this post makes sense.

p.p.s. – I’ve written posts about why I write before, but I’ve been ruminating over it a lot (again), and I figured it’s never the wrong time for existential musings.

p.p.p.s. – I have this niggling feeling like there’s a typo (or seven) hiding out in this post, but they are invisible to my eyes. So, sorry about that. ;)

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November 13, 2018

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7 Questions To Ask During NaNoWriMo [especially if it’s tough and before you gut yourself for how bad it’s going wordcount wise]

Day thirteen of NaNoWriMo.

For the peasants (aka: regular people) who don’t know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month—an event that now spans the globe as writers from all walks of life and stages in the writing journey attempt to write a whole new novel in one month (or, at the very least, 50,000 words in one month).

This is my third and worst NaNo. Last year, I wrote the first draft of False Gods during NaNoWriMo, and it seemed like I had struck a healthy balance of imbalance (trust me, that will make sense in a moment I hope).

Some days I would write 8,000 words in a day. And sometimes I’d write only 17. I wanted to write that story so badly, was so ready to get it rolling. I never felt burned out of it or uninterested in it; some days there was just too much going on in the rest of life and I was fine with writing very little. Other days it just sort of exploded.

‘Tis not so with NaNoWriMo 2018.

In case I’m not the only one having trouble, here are seven questions to ask yourself during NaNo, especially if the going is rough.

 

7 nano questions 2.jpg

I. Have you picked the right story?

Maybe your idea isn’t ripe yet. Perhaps it needs to simmer for a while longer. This leaves you with a few options.

You can A) try to finish the story anyway, but I warn against this because while art requires discipline, it isn’t something you can force.

B) Try writing another novel, but you probably shouldn’t expect to finish this new one before the end of the month unless you generally draft a novel in just a few days.

C) Write some short stories instead, contributing those words to your NaNo wordcount.

D) Don’t finish NaNo. This is actually fine. It sounds like a sin for some reason (probably because we writers are a bit obsessed), but the world won’t end, my friends.

E) Continue working on the story at a much slower rate, one that allows the idea to grow.

II. How much time are you spending on social media?

For me, the answer is usually way too much. I have grand plans of cutting myself off from social media, but alas they never seem to come to fruition. My copy of Deep Work glares at me from the bookshelf. (Oh, right. I’m writing a blog post about that book, aren’t I?)

However, all of my writer friends live far away, and we connect most easily on social media. So for word wars and encouragement and such, social media is incredibly helpful.

But. Alas. It’s so easy to get pulled into the scrolling quicksand. And then all sorts of life-sucking things like comparison, zoning out, etc. creep in and… ahem, suck the life out of you.

I’ve found that lack of creativity is often directly related to a surplus of time spent in the depths of social media. So if you’re feeling drained, uninspired, depressed, or all of the above, maybe take a break from your social medias for a few days. Or limit your time to fifteen minutes to see if that helps.

III. Are you starving yourself creatively?

Sometimes I get into this rut where I think if I’m working on a story, I can’t enjoy other people’s stories. As if I don’t have the time right now or I’ll reward myself with a book or movie after NaNo is over.

Typically, this starves me.

Reading is one of the most relaxing and rejuvenating things for my imagination, and movies provide a break to simply take in a story visually. When I read for even just a half hour, my creative blood flows more easily.

Perhaps you’re like me. Maybe you need story input in order to have story output at a high rate.

IV. Are you feeding yourself the wrong brand/genre of creative food?

Are you reading/watching/drawing a bunch of things that get your mind exploding in a different genre?

Variety is important in a creative’s diet, but sometimes—like when you’re drafting a new novel–it’s important and helpful to guard your imagination from the wrong genre of inspiration. There are some stories that you know ignite your imagination for a certain brand of story.

The Lord of the Rings will never not inspire me to write epic fantasy.

Dracula will (apparently) never not inspire me to write a steampunk vampire story that’s basically just a fan fiction of Dracula. (Seriously, guys. I have been blown away by Dracula. I was expecting to not like it, but I think it’s better than Frankenstein and The Picture of Dorian Grey combined.)

The Lion King will never not inspire me to work on False Gods.

The new Star Trek movies (as wild and crazy and sloppy as they can be) will never not inspire me to get to work in the Stars and Soul storyworld (which also happens to be the same storyworld as my NaNo novel this year).

So consume the stories that jumpstart your creativity for this NaNo story. Know the music, books, and movies that make you squirm to create something in the genre of your NaNo novel… because then, hopefully, it will give you more energy to create your NaNo novel.

V. What else is going on in your life that affects your art?

Are you in college? Studying for exams? Preparing to move? Settling in after a move? Working extra hours? Taking care of a newborn? Remodeling the house?

For me, the things that are affecting me the most are my upcoming move to Texas, all the things I want/need to do/say before I make the move, and the release for Stars and Soul (November 20, my dudes).

Stories have always been a sort of refuge for me, and in the past I’ve viewed writing as a sort of refuge, blocked out from the rest of the world. But I know now that my writing is intimately tied to the rest of my life.

If this NaNo is hard, don’t beat yourself up for it. Take a step back to see what in this season of your life is affecting you. It’s important to remember that you are not the same person you were last November. Your life is not the same it was last November. And your life will not be the same next November.

Don’t expect to create in the same way, with the same speed, with the same ease as you have in the past.

VI. And what about God?

Is your relationship with God—the time and attention and desire—suffering because of NaNoWriMo?

Are you writing with God, or are you going at it alone? Are you making time for Bible reading, personal worship, and prayer? Or are those spiritual disciplines—the lifeblood of our relationship with God—getting axed? And it likely isn’t that you don’t want to be steadfast with God; it’s just that work, school, writing, sleeping, etc. quickly crowd those disciplines out.

It is so easy for the glittering, heavily caffeinated fun of NaNo and the new novel and the word wars and the Pinterest board and these characters to silently, deftly, speedily displace Jesus in our minds and hearts.

So think about this question. Dwell on it. Pray about it. Don’t shy away from God or your own heart. Be honest.

Or maybe things have never been better with God. In which case, savor him.

VII. Do you have to draft a new story this month? What is motivating you?

I.e. – why are you doing NaNo? Is it because you’ve always done it? Is it a matter of writer pride? Something all the other writers talk about that you wanted to try? Because you have a story that just needs to be written?

Check your heart. It’s not that any of these are bad reasons to do NaNo. It’s just that it’s okay to not write a new story this month.

Basically, even if NaNo isn’t going as you imagined it would, and you see your friends splattering their 40,000 words all over social media, it’s okay. It. is. okay.

Your life is not writing. Your identity is not writing. You’re no less a writer if you don’t finish your novel this month. You’re no less a writer if you don’t write 50,000 words this month.

And maybe not finishing NaNo is failure.

I won’t say that it isn’t because your definition of failure depends on your definition of success. For some, not finishing NaNo will be failure. In which case, good because it needn’t be a bitter failure. Better for it be a failure that teaches you your weaknesses and limitations rather than it be a “success” that leaves you stress-ridden, depressed, snappy, and unfocused on what will always matter (i.e. – God and other people).

This NaNo’s been tough for me. At the time of this post writing, I’m little over 8,000 words for the month (I should be at 20,000). I’ve gotten stressed about it (surprise, surprise), and I need to daily take a step back and ask myself these questions. Especially those last three.

If you’re doing NaNo and it isn’t going well and you’re stressed, hopefully these questions will help you work through some of that stress.

So, friends. Are you doing NaNo? How is it going? What are your thoughts/advice for when NaNo is tough?

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – people have asked to see the Stars and Soul Pinterest board. You, my friends, are going to get the link first. <3

p.p.s. – yeah, no High Command memo went out last week. It’s just one of those things that may not happen again until I’m in Texas.

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October 16, 2018

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When Inspiration Doesn’t Strike

*insert swanky post preface that gets you jazzed for the rest of this post*

when inspiration doesn't strike.jpg

I considered announcing that I would be taking the rest of 2018 off when it comes to blogging. In other words, I’d quit Penprints until January 2019.

Because by January 2019, life will have settled down.

Or so I told myself as I looked at my list of blog post ideas with no interest in any of them (no, not even that Deep Work one I keep saying I want to write).

Here’s the deal. I know life will not “settle down” by January 2019. In fact, in lots of ways, it will be crazier than ever.

So why would I quit blogging for two and a half months?

Because I’m tired. Because my creativity is dwindling, and I want to channel what creativity I have to my novel-writing. Because I’m not inspired.

My life is not super hectic right now. There are occasional flares of craziness, but overall, it isn’t too stressful (but as we all know, my stress threshold is not high). The issue is a mixture of being lazy, mentally and emotionally burned out, and creatively worn out.

I’ve been on the edge of burnout on all fronts all year.

Jesus has been very gracious to me, and he’s arranged for events, trips, and people to be like defibrillators to me. He has been very good to me, so this isn’t a complaint against him. This is just honesty about how I’ve been fumbling around trying to figure out if I’m doing too much or not enough.

I know that a lot of it is my fault—it is me not being wise with my time, it is me sometimes simply not doing the work because I don’t want to (on all the theaters of war here, people—intense Bible study, my novels, my relationships, etc.), it is me digging myself deeper into a hole.

I’ve just not been feeling it. And by “it” I mean inspiration. It has not been striking, and so I haven’t been doing as much doing.

Creative work is tricky—you can’t force or fake it, and sometimes you do have to quit for a bit to rest and recuperate. Usually, however, you still have enough energy to create something. Usually, the creativity isn’t the problem. Usually, inspiration is the problem.

Inspiration is as reliable as feelings, friends (which, in case you weren’t sure, are super unreliable). That’s all there is to it.

Inspiration comes. And then inspiration goes. And then inspiration goes missing. And then inspiration is presumed dead. And then suddenly, inspiration has a resurrection. But then inspiration might run away to join the circus.

And where does that leave us? Without inspiration.

The big question is: what will we do when inspiration does not strike?

Will we do a rain dance, hoping it will return? Will we scroll through Pinterest for an hour searching for it? Will we take a nap to escape the reality that it might never come back? Will we let a blank screen crush the life out of us?

Do we quit the blog for two months? Do we shelve the novel until further notice? Do we close the sketchbook for weeks? Do we leave the song unfinished?

Do we take a break? Push it off until tomorrow? Take the path of least resistance?

Or, will we keep going, inspiration or not?

Here’s the deal: forget inspiration.

Just screw it. Screw feelings too, for that matter. Forget hype and positivity.

Life is chaos. It will never “settle down.”

Inspiration is flaky. We will never nail it down.

When life is chaos, do it anyway. When inspiration doesn’t strike, do it anyway. When you’re tired, do it anyway. When you want to be lazy, do it anyway. When your emotions are on a loop, do it anyway.

Exercise wisdom about what is important. Exercise wisdom in when you actually need breaks. (And if you don’t have wisdom, start walking with the wise and get wisdom.)

But, as a general rule, do it anyway.

Write the book. Craft the blog post. Paint the picture. Hang the drywall. Edit the story. Finish the song. Draw the comic.

Carve out the time to cultivate your creativity, but do not bow to inspiration.

I write this post because I have been working on the second draft of False Gods since April, and I’m not even halfway through it.

April, people. April.

In case you didn’t read that right: APRIL.

Part of this because I am simply slow. Part of it is because it’s taken this long to get some things ironed out/developed in my head. And part of it is because I’ve waited for inspiration to show up instead of cultivating discipline and creativity.

So here I am with fifteen days until NaNoWriMo, not sure if I’ll be drafting something new or working on what I drafted during NaNoWriMo 2017.

What do you do when inspiration doesn’t strike? Do you find you are emotion/inspiration-driven? Or are you discipline/logic-driven?

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – a post about cultivating creativity is coming to a Penprints near you in the near future.

p.p.s. – if you haven’t already signed up for the cover reveal of my sci-fi flash fiction collection (Stars and Soul), there’s still time!

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August 28, 2018

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The Stories We Will Tell [musings from my recurring existential crisis about Christian art]

This post is five years and six tries in the making.

It is not my usual trying-to-be-helpful/5-tips-for-xyz/oh-and-here’s-a-book-and-a-playlist-I-recommend-on-the-subject sort of post. I already tried to write this post in those formats and a few styles as well. It didn’t work.

So this is more journal entry/stream-of-consciousness.

I am a Christian, and I am a storyteller. Welcome to my angsty thought life regarding the marriage of my Christianity and my storytelling.

The Stories We Will Tell.jpg

This is me, for the last five years, about every story I’ve written:

I’m a Christian. Do I write Christian stories? Or am I a Christian who tells stories?

Is this too preachy? Or is this subject matter too dark?

I’m twenty years old. Am I old enough to write this sort of stuff? Will I ever be “old enough” to write this stuff?

My mom will read this. Will she squirm?

People at my church may read this. Will they judge me?

People I’ve never met may read this. Will this help them?

Should I paint the world and humanity as it is, how it should be, or how it could be?

On one hand this story has blatant themes of true greatness, healing, and hope. But it is steeped in kidnapping, stonings, family dysfunction, betrayal, murder, torture, idolatry, and self-obsession. (False Gods)

Will the Christian community condemn me for this? Or are they willing to see into the dark to see why it’s written like this? Can they see that every layer of darkness and depravity has a role to play in contrasting every layer of light and goodness?

Will the non-Christian community scorn me for this attempt at art? Or will this break down barriers and show Jesus to those who have never known him?

Am I writing to entertain, challenge the comfortable, befriend the lonely, raise questions, answer questions, tell it how it is, tell it how it can be, glorify God, or all the above?

On one hand this story showcases one small step to healing. But it is filled with anger, bitterness, grief, and violent death. (Start With Their Names)

Is my Christianity coming through too obnoxiously in this story? Or does this look no different from what the world has to give?

If I include a God-figure, am I capable of writing it well? If I cannot write it well, how do I portray a world without God? Is it wrong for me to portray a world without God? Is that some sort of betrayal of the truest, most real Person in the universe?

Why does it feel like I’m overthinking this? Why does it feel like I’m not thinking about it enough?

These people who I love and respect think that Christian art in general is not done well. And they think I shouldn’t write Christian stories. These other people who I love and respect think that I shouldn’t go too dark, are concerned when my stories aren’t moral or light enough. Which is right? Are either of them wrong? Is it possible for me to execute overtly Christian art well?

On one hand this is a story of new life, light, love, grace, and family. And in its backdrop sit shame, extramarital sex, abandonment, and disownment. But without the latter, can the former shine so brightly? (Unexpected)

Am I reaching too far with this story? Can even a fraction of this vision in my head be achieved on the page?

Do I have what it takes to tackle all of this? Do I have what it takes to bridge this gap between excellent art and the Christian community? Does it matter at all if I have “what it takes” or not as long as I pursue God’s glory through excellent storytelling?

Should there even be such a thing as specifically Christian art? Should I write stories for other Christians, or should I write stories for non-Christians? Is it possible to do both?

At what point should I just quit caring what people think and just work to tell a good story?

What even defines a good story? Can there be an excellent story that isn’t “good”? Or does excellence denote goodness? And what sort of goodness are we talking about here? Moral goodness, craft excellence, or something else?

Will it really kill me to just write fluffy stories since those don’t tend to step on any toes? Oh, wait, those do step on the toes of the people who don’t appreciate the unique value of a fluffy story. What now?

On one hand, this story is all about perseverance, responsibility, and self-sacrifice. And yet it also includes mild gore and torture while touching on genocide. (That Last Breath)

Will people think differently of me if I write dark stories? Is that a bad thing? Does it really matter what they think of me?

If they will condemn me because of truth of human nature (aka: depravity) in my stories, do I really care what they think?

If they will insult me because of the flaming arrows pointing to Jesus in my stories, do I really care what they think?

Speaking of Jesus, what does he think about all this? What does he call me to do in this?

Can I live with people misunderstanding my intentions, insulting me, or condemning me as far as my storytelling goes if I know I’m writing what I’ve been called to write? Basically, do I really believe Jesus’ opinion is enough to render all the others moot?

There is no good way to finish this post, and so I’m going to drop the bookend here.

These questions (and more) come back again and again with every story that I write. The only thing I really know for sure is that I’m called to pursue excellence in storytelling for the glory of Jesus.

I must learn to tune out the conflicting, raging opinions around me and focus in on Jesus and what magnifies him. It’s not always going to be obvious. It’s not always going to be subtle. But it must always be the motivation and end of every story I write.

Thank you to Caleb Valentine, Janie Valentine, Katie Grace, Nadine Brandes, Tony Reinke, Stephen E. Burnett, Jackie Hill Perry, Mary Weber, Tosca Lee, Lindsay Franklin, Steve Laube, and Aimee Meester; though you may not have known it, your friendship, books, teaching, example, discussions, podcasts, and/or blog posts have been helping me think through this issue for quite some time.

Thank you to Daddy for not being freaked out by the wide variety of stories along the Christian storytelling spectrum that I’ve thrown at you.

And thank you, Jesus, for who you are. You are not tame. You are not dark. You are not clean. You are completely holy. You are endlessly creative. You are always good.

Hopefully this question-filled post will help you figure out the kind of stories you will tell.

With love,

Rosalie

P.S. – sorry for being AWOL last week, my friends. My brain hiccuped, and then it was too late to put together a good post for last week. So here we are.

P.P.S. – what about you? What’s the deal with the stories you tell?