Place (volume i) [a poem]

Lolz, hello, my faithful followers.

I won’t say where I’ve been or what I’ve been up to except that… I’m engaged!

LOL, nope.

If you fell for that trick a second time, it’s not on me, it’s on you. By now, you should know that if I fall off the face of the earth for a while and come back saying, “I’m engaged!” it’s definitely code for “I am not engaged”. It’s simple language, guys, get with the times.

Anyweys, ahem.

I have a free form poem to share that I wrote this spring. I like it. It was helpful to write. I hope you like it too. I hope it’s helpful to read.

I know:
My place is with You
And that doesn’t change.

My place is with You.
My home is with You.

And You’re not
Giving away my place.

You won’t:
Displace
Misplace
Replace
Me.

That seat beside You
The one at Your table:
It’s mine.
Always has been
Always will be.

So I don’t have to fear:
Losing any other place
Not my place in another person’s heart
Or my place in their life
Or my place among Your people
Or my place at work
Because:
My place is
Irrevocably
With You.

Part of me fears
Has always feared
But won’t always fear
That You’d give my seat away
To someone
Better
Healthier
Stronger
Steadier
More obedient
More faithful
More beautiful.

But You didn’t give me
My seat
My place
For any good reason in me.

I wasn’t:
Beautiful to catch Your eye
Or witty to charm Your heart
Or lovely in spirit to woo You
Or strong to fill some lack in You.

I was:
Broken
Scarred
Some things bent far out of place
In the deep places of my soul
Crippled
Wallowing in my own filth
Trapped and dead in sin
Unable to even comprehend
How revolting I should have been to You,
You, oh, Lovely Son of heaven.

But You:
Require no more beauty
Need no more strength
Lack no power
That You would look outside Yourself.

But You:
Invited me in
Chose me
Loved me
Called me
Redeemed me
Out of the abundance in Your everlasting heart.

You told me:
There’d always be
A place for me with You.

You washed my wounds
Washed me clean
Dressed me in:
Your own respectable robes
Called me by:
Your righteous family name
When as yet
I was not
Am not
Respectable or righteous.

And You gave me that seat
Right next to You
Forever invited to Your table
Never to be uninvited
Never to be unwelcome
Never to lose
My place
With You.

And so I am
And so I will be
A cripple
Dining at the table
Of the Good King
My Good King.

And so I am
And so I will
Fit forever into
Your kingdom
Fit forever into
The place You picked for me
The seat
The role
The calling
The life
Of just being invited
Of just being welcomed
Of just being loved
By You.


That’s all for today.

Further up and further in,

Rosalie

p.s. – I’m working on some ContentTM to share, so keep a weather eye on your inbox.

p.p.s. – I also rejoined the Instagram world. After Tony Reinke AND Andrew Peterson both released books without my knowledge, I realized I wanted to get back onto social media. I feel sooooo much better about it and am in a better place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, grammatically, and economically than I was before with social media. Don’t ask me what I’m doing there because I don’t know. Like maybe it’s a personal Insta account just for lolz (I know, I need to stop saying “lol” and “lolz” but it’s just so… accurate), but also maybe it’s just an aesthetic account with slow motion video, but also maybe I’ve been toying with infographics and acting like I’m some sort of ProfessionalTM or InfluencerTM (who am I kidding–in my mind I’ve been an influencer since birth). My pictures are black and white and awesome looking, I will say that.

I Yet Live [2021 in a nutshell and looking forward to 2022]

*blows dust off blog*

*squints and looks around*

*taps microphone*

Hello?

*really bad feedback*

Did I fall off the face of the earth for like a year? Yes, yes, I did that. It was I. I’ll admit it was me who in fact did that.

*coughs awkwardly*

But I yet live, and it’s time to get back to business.

What’s new?

I’m engaged!

Lol, no I’m not. I thought it’d be funny to throw that out there for the lolz, especially for the extended family wait what I would never.

What’s new (for realz)? This will cover the tail end of 2020 and all of 2021. After that I’ll reminisce about 2022 (yes, I said reminisce. About the future. Because I can do anything here, boo.)

  • My small group multiplied (translation: the group of people that I meet with from my church to discuss the Bible and grow in community got too big to be one group and so we split into two groups).
  • The 2020 election happened. Yep. I remember thinking the 2016 election cycle was a doozie, and now we all know better.
  • I left social media, no regrets.
  • I moved!–still in Texas, still part of the same church, just a new house and new roommates.
  • The Gray Havens released their new album Gray Flower track by track (thank the Lamb for that).
  • I saw Jesus save some people very dear to me and got to see them baptized (best. day. of. my life.).
  • I haven’t been doing much novel-writing in the last year or so…
  • But I have been doing some songwriting!
  • I turned 23.
  • Lost some more idols, survived, know Jesus better, etc.
  • Survived Snowmaggedon in Texas (maybe I’ll write a post about it because it’s coming up in the one year anniversary and it was wild; it made Covid look like the kiddie apocalypse)
  • Had several identity crises and have found myself in Jesus a little more each time.
  • Broke my coffee addiction.
  • Rekindled my coffee addiction.
  • Harbored unforgiveness and bitterness, Jesus said, “Don’t do that”, and I repented.
  • Used to think repentance was beating myself up until I was “sorry enough” but by God’s kindness to me through friends, small group leaders, and the Bible I learned what repentance actually is (a future blog post perhaps?)
  • Lost some more ambitions and aspirations because God’s call on my life is better than what I could want for myself.
  • Fought with a close friend, sinned against her a lot. Reader, she forgave me. I’ve never known reconciliation like this. The blood of Jesus is truly miraculous.
  • Locked my keys in my car. With my phone. At a sketchy gas station. At 10:00 pm. I survived.
  • My ol’ Volvo (the Daydream) died on the side of the road. 25 of my friends from my church pitched in and bought me a car (like wait, what? They did what?). Reader, this is a really nice car.
  • Through being gifted the extravagantly beautiful car, I learned a bit more the abundance in God’s heart for me, that he doesn’t give the bare minimum but that his love goes, and has always gone, above and beyond.
  • Found out that 69 degrees Fahrenheit is absolute warmest I can sleep in or else I will straight up perish.
  • Came to the end of myself like 14 times and received everything I needed straight from the hand of my Father in heaven.
  • Learned that the chief end of an avocado is to carry everything bagel seasoning from the can to my mouth.
  • Discovered part of my purpose in life is wearing velvet pants as often as possible (we’re just at the beginning of this epic new velvet pant age in my life).

2022

  • Still absent-minded and forget to reply to texts, emails, and phone calls.
  • Still learning to receive grace.
  • Still trying not to strive so much (lol, “trying not the strive”).
  • Still get discouraged and listen to the lies of despair instead of believing the gloriously light truth of Jesus.
  • Still keep finding out I’m not perfect and still keep acting like it’s the End of the WorldTM (for sure went and cried in my room when I found out I don’t put my dishes away like an adult human should [“Found out?” you say. “Yes, found out,” says I. One of my roommates literally had to sit down with me and tell me that I don’t put my dishes away. I would wash them, fill up the drying rack, go along my merry way, and forget about them. And then one of my roommates would put them away for me. I’m not going to say anything more than that.]).
  • I did it. I changed the design of this blog again. I changed the header. And the colors. And unraveled all the work I spent in 2018 and 2019 and 2020 trying to have a cohesive “look/brand” that I was going to stick to. I threw it all out the window (if you’re reading this in your inbox, get yourself on over the main website, my faithful friend, and check out the new look; I didn’t buy this domain for no reason [but also don’t look too closely because not all the widgets have been baptized into The New LookTM). There was no one to stop me. At least I didn’t change the name of this blog.
  • Still planning on following Jesus to my dying day and beyond.

Blogging has become an antiquated form of communication, but that’s all right with my little old soul. I won’t do it much (life is too full–so much to do and so little time; I feel that pressure against my soul keenly), but I’ll do it every now and then (my goal in my bullet journal is 20 posts in 2022; we’ll see if I make it).

To anyone out there still tracking with this old rag Penprints and me, I’m back from the dead in more ways than one and of course have many, many thoughts on all matters with varying degrees of importance, helpfulness, etc..

And you know I’ll share them.

Further up and further in,

Rosalie <3

p.s. – yes, I for sure also changed my closing greeting. It had to be C.S. Lewis-ish. I’ve been signing off wrong for the last ten years of blogging. It’s fine; I fixed it now.