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September 29, 2020

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So I Liked a Boy [part six: please don’t chase him]

We’ve all been in this series long enough that I’m going to cut the chitchat and get straight to the nitty gritty (unless of course you haven’t been in this series; in that case, check out parts one, two, three, four, and five).

I’m a woman lady girl. So my experience in a relationship (or not being in a relationship, as is the case for this whole series?) is going to be different than a man boy guy’s.

Now, for some, this post may seem very hard. Our culture has a very boys-chase-girls, girls-chase-boys mindset. Anyone can chase anyone. But for Christians, our approach to anything cannot be like our culture’s. With everything, we’re to look to the Bible and look for God’s design.

As has been discussed at various points throughout this series, I wanted The Guy to notice me. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to try my hand a flirting with him. I wanted to give him hints that I liked him.

But I didn’t.

I didn’t tell him that I liked him.

I didn’t hint that I liked him.

I didn’t flirt with him.

I didn’t try to compliment him (even though I was heavily in the he-is-so-amazing boat).

There are two reasons why.

Reason #1: I didn’t have the confidence or self-worth to put myself out there.

For those of you who feel like this post is a no-brainer, don’t mistake a lack of self-worth/confidence for maturity. That’s what I did at first. I thought to myself, “Of course I would never try to make something happen with The Guy, not matter how much I want to. Of course he has to come to me.”

But it wasn’t trust in God behind that or understanding of God’s design for relationships or much of anything holy or biblical. What was behind it was fear. What was viewed by others as maturity was just fake maturity.

Girls pursue guys out of a hurt or a fear (Boat #1). Girls don’t pursue guys out of fear (Boat #2). And some girls don’t pursue guys because they trust God’s wisdom more than their own wisdom or desires (Boat #3). I was not sitting in Boat #3 like I thought I was; I was sailing around in Boat #2.

Girls who chase guys often have deep wounds and fears centering around self-worth, confidence, body image, insecurity, loneliness, unworthiness, etc..

Girls who don’t chase guys often also have wounds and fears centering around self-worth, confidence, body image, insecurity, loneliness, unworthiness, etc..

Some of the same root issues, but a different response.

Some women are pushed to take the lead, to initiate, to take their clothes off, to text first, to be louder, to be considered more desirable physically, to give and give, to chase and chase by fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being alone.

Some women are pushed further into themselves, to put more clothes on, to be silent, to stand by, to be doormats by fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of being undesirable. Fear of being unwanted.

Neither is firmly rooted in who God is and who he has made her to be.

This is what kept me to myself at first.

Friend, if this is you, please don’t despair. And please don’t stay there. Confess your fear to someone (someone like we talked about in the last post). Pray about it. Ask Jesus to bring healing to the parts of you that this world and sin has broken—your body image, your insecurity in your personality, your passivity, your fear of others’ opinions. Ask God to reveal what is at the root of why you do not (or do) pursue guys. And ask him to be so kind as to heal it and give you the grace to turn from lies.

Reason #2: I knew it was The Guy’s job to pursue me, not the other way around.

It took a while for the truth to root down in me and reform my motives. In order to understand for myself more why I was to be pursued, to be chased, to be wooed, Jesus led me into a deeper understanding of marriage.

Paul says marriage was created as a way to show the glory of the mystery of God’s love for his Church. So many mysteries and glories lie revealed in marriage. Two people becoming one flesh (an echo of one God who exists as three Persons). A husband leading, protecting, cherishing a wife—an image of Jesus leading, protecting, and cherishing his elect. Marriage is the closest relationship two humans can share. It is a spiritual, emotional, and physical union.

Almost always, lust is seen as the marriage destroyer. And it often is. But there is a more subtle (and I daresay more dangerous) destroyer—passivity. Specifically—a husband’s passivity.

This is one of the most fundamental things sin has broken in God’s design for men and women. Not just sex—though that’s gotten plenty messed up too. But what’s been most deeply broken is how men and women relate to each other.

Look at the Bible and see it everywhere.

Adam was with Eve when the serpent tempted her. He was at the tree with her. He heard the serpent’s words and Eve’s response, and he did nothing. He let Eve eat of the tree without rebuffing Satan’s lies. He let Eve hand him some of the fruit as well.

In a lot of ways, Adam didn’t fall; he let the fall happen to him. He didn’t do anything. He was passive. He watched Eve buy into a lie that destroyed them both.

From there on out, a man’s biggest struggle with sin has been and will be a struggle against passivity.

Abraham was promised by God that he would be given a son to carry on his line. Abraham believed, but then after it didn’t happen for a long time, his wife, Sarah, took matters into her own hands. She told Abraham to sleep with her maid, and instead of leading Sarah back to God’s faithfulness and telling her he was going to trust God, he let Sarah lead him into sin. He slept with her maid (the ultimate defilement of the marriage bed of God’s design), Hagar, who then had a son, and both Hagar and her son had a dysfunctional relationship with the rest of the family for the rest of their lives, a rift that went on the span generations. God was sovereign over it and used it, as is his way, but what if Abraham had stopped it in the beginning?

Eli was a priest in the days of the prophet Samuel (right before the nation of Israel asked for their first king). He was a nice dude and raised Samuel to serve God. But Eli had two wicked sons who sinned heinously, openly, again and again. Eli knew of their sin and the destruction it wreaked, yet he did nothing. He just kind of sat there. He didn’t rebuke them as their father. He didn’t rebuke them as their high priest. And in the end, his sons met death because of their sin. Eli was warned, and he still did nothing. He didn’t lose his sons because he didn’t do anything.

David was also passive. In a sickening account, one of David’s sons raped one of David’s daughters. If that wasn’t bad enough, David did nothing. There were no repercussions. Everyone kept on living together like a big happy family. But David’s son Absalom wasn’t so passive. Absalom (the full-blooded brother of the girl raped) took revenge on the half brother who sinned so terribly against his sister and murdered him. And so David’s household spiraled and tore itself apart. Because David sinned in passivity and didn’t call out sin to be sin or seek healing and restoration for his family. His passivity ended in rape, multiple murders, and a ruined family. What sin and pain and destruction could have been avoided if David had actively led his sons?

Now let’s see the outcomes of men who weren’t passive.

Peter was assertive. And I’m not just talking about how he’d always say stuff off the cuff in the gospels. In Acts, there’s an account of a married couple who sold a piece of land and pretended to give all the money to the church when they actually kept some back for themselves (so they lied). Full of the Holy Spirit, Peter tested them, gave them a chance for an out. When they decided to continue in their lie, still full of the Holy Spirit, he called out their sin in front of everyone, and the Holy Spirit struck the couple dead for their sin. And the church was protected (at least for a time) from what the seeds of their sin could have done to the church. If he had done nothing, said nothing, that seed of stinginess, of lying, of greed, etc. could have taken root in the church. Who knows what evil could have grown out of that? One thing is certain: destruction.

Jesus. Jesus chases after his own. He initiates relationship. His is gracious but not passive. He calls out sin. He encourages and leads. He is upfront. He says things that are uncomfortable. His whole life on earth was an act of initiation, of coming down, of bending down, towards, to get to his people. If Jesus was passive, he’d wait for us to come to him. But he came to us first.

So when it comes to The Guy.

If he’s passive in the beginning, the relationship will be shaped and marked by his passivity. He won’t lead you away from sin. He’ll let things slide—not in a gracious way, but in a passive way. Grace acknowledges sin as sin and sets it aside. Passivity is silent and doesn’t want to rock the boat. It is marked with laziness, the fear of other people’s opinions (aka: the fear of man: aka: a misunderstanding of God himself), or lukewarmness.

I’ve seen it happen where a guy doesn’t like a girl. The girl hints at her affections. The girl liking the guy suddenly makes the girl appealing to the guy. He kind of seems to initiate and lead, but areas of deep passivity remain. And sin and hurt is harvested.

For me, I’ve come to truly trust God with my future, and part of that is trusting that if I ever marry, the man boy guy that he gives to me will not be passive. And one of the first markers of that will be that the dude will come for me. He will pursue me. He will woo me. Then I’ll flirt and be awkward and tell him my mind and my heart and be open to him. And I know now that I’m worth being pursued.

The Good I’ve Seen:

I see an incredible model of what a man pursuing a woman should be really clearly in my brother Luke (I’ve gotten a front-row view of his dating, engagement, and early marriage).

He initiates with Emily (my sister-in-law) so well. He is gentle. He isn’t afraid to press into the hard stuff (or if he is, it doesn’t control him/keep him silent). He pursues her, loves her, cherishes her, wants the best for her and is willing to be uncomfortable and put in the work to see her get the best because he wants nothing less than the best for her. He tells her the truth when she’s hearing lies.

When she isn’t acting herself, he doesn’t let her hide away or bury stuff she’s always buried. He has proven he will be gentle with her, so she can feel safe (or as safe as she’ll ever feel) to be fully honest. He stays up late when they both have to wake up early so that they can go to bed at peace with each other. He doesn’t let stuff sit or fester. He doesn’t leave things unsaid. He doesn’t let her leave things unsaid. He’s crazy for her. He pursued her right from the beginning.

And Emily? She is a force of her own, one to be reckoned with. She’s a leader among women, full of the Holy Spirit and his good fruit. Her heart is wholly devoted to God, and her wisdom is peaceful and gentle. She’s a catch, as the kids would say. And instead of trying to snare a husband, she just followed God. And when she liked Luke and didn’t know what the future would hold, she chose to lean on the wisdom of Jesus instead of her own.

And when they started dating, instead of forcing her own way or being consumed by fear, she let him lead her. She trusted Jesus. And she trusts Luke. Like, a lot. She loves him. She encourages him right back. She tells him the truth. She responds to him. She is a well of gentleness and meekness and joy. She is kind to him and patient with him and laughs with him. She doesn’t belittle him or poke at him. She rejoices with him and in him.

He sharpens her, and she sharpens him.

He loves and builds up the woman in her, the woman God made her to be. She loves and draws out the man in him, the man God made him to be.

For me, I’d have to say seeing their relationship unfold has perhaps been the single most influential thing to how I now view and value romantic relationships. Luke and Emily aren’t perfect, but dang they did it well, and they’re still doing it well.

Let’s wrap this up.

Does any of that not make sense? Do you have any questions or confusions? As per usual, feel free to comment or contact me directly.

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – I think we’re finally getting to the end of this series! Next week I think we’ll be talking about The Need To KnowTM. if anything will ever come of the crush.

p.p.s. – I know that this could be a little controversial. Even in the Church there isn’t agreement about what man-woman relationships should be, but after following Jesus for over fifteen years, this type of model is the one that I believe most follows the path God intended for marriage.

p.p.p.s. – a shout-out to Luke and Emily for being The BestTM and also consenting to me fangirling about them on the internet.

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September 1, 2020

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So I Liked a Boy [part four: actually, him loving Jesus isn’t enough]

Jane Austen once said, “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

Ha.

She ain’t wrong.

We’re back with part four of So I Liked a Boy. You can read parts one, two, and three if you’re new or if you just want a refresher of my manic, dramatic, and astonishing wit.

If you want the short version, I had StirringsTM (aka: a crush; aka: the precurser to FeelingsTM) for a dude in my church for a whole ten months and didn’t know what to do with myself and was forced to grow and rely on Jesus more deeply than ever. It was terrible but great at the same time. This series is me sharing the terribleness and greatness in hopes that people in the same spot as me are helped out with their own StirringsTM.

Let’s get part four of this party started.

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All my life, the only requirement I heard that I would need to find in a husband was that he be a Christian. Preferably employed. Preferably not living with his parents. My parents probably had a few other criteria, but the one that stuck with me was the Christian part.

Naturally, I proceeded through almost my entire life thinking to myself, “So long as he’s a Christian, we good to go, let’s pick out the bridal party.”

As I grew up, I became a little more aware that a lot of people call themselves Christians who don’t actually love God. So I amended my Requirement Uno. He’s got to love Jesus. Then we good to go. Then let’s pick out the ol’ bridal party.

The Guy who I had StirringsTM for loves Jesus with more unabashed passion than a lot of people I know (which is remarkable in a church where everyone left everything because they love God; that’s church-planting for you). His obedience to everything God calls him to is quite admirable. His heart of worship seems akin to David’s.

After watching him for a couple months, I thought to myself, “Ah, such a deep love for God; let’s get married.” Yeah, my brain went there real fast; Jane Austen was, in fact, correct.

But, actually, him loving Jesus is the bare minimum, a passing grade, not the end all be all of what to look for/be attracted to in a boy I mean man I mean guy.

I was seeking council from someone very wise about The Guy (I’d been on the moon-eyed train for like eight or nine months at this point).

I was asked why I liked him. I explained some of my reasons. I was told, “Look for more.” Not because The Guy was morally or spiritually deficient in any way but because my vision was too narrow.

Raw affection for God is not enough. Even capacity for extreme obedience isn’t enough. Even spurring me on to Jesus more isn’t enough. It takes more than dynamite love of God to make a relationship work—especially if that relationship is a covenant between two sinners only to be dissolved by death.

He can’t just love Jesus; he has to be like Jesus.

Jesus: a Man of supreme character, grit, zeal, gentleness, wisdom, compassion, patience, and joy.

Jesus: a Man of such strength and goodness.

Jesus: One who even now anchors the entirety of his Church throughout all generations as its immovable Cornerstone.

That’s what I have to look for—not because I deserve it but because that’s what my soul requires for survival. There is so much sin in my heart that I require much much keeping and initiating and leading back to the cross again and again and again.

He can’t just love Jesus—as good as that is. He must heavily image the Son’s person. His very character must remind me of Jesus.

His goodness, mercy, compassion, holiness, strength, humility, devotion, joy, steadfastness, zeal for the kingdom, and submission to the Father must be echoes of Jesus.

Jesus is my first love. Why would I look or settle for anything less or anything different in my second, human love?

Now, you may be thinking, “Yeah, but gosh, Jesus is a hard act to follow.”

And you’d be right. And no man I mean boy I mean guy could follow perfectly in Jesus’ footsteps, that’s why we need Jesus. But while it’s a tall order, it’s not impossible. I’ve met so many people who love Jesus and are becoming more like him to the degree that when I hear them speak or watch their manner of living, I am reminded of the character of Jesus.

To be honest, I’d rather live out my days in the joys and challenges of singleness than marry someone who loves Jesus but isn’t like Jesus.

Questions to Soberly, Prayerfully Ask Yourself and Jesus

When I was praying through liking The Guy, the Holy Spirit stirred up many questions, then I found more in The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler, and then some more from some trusted friends. I had to ask them of myself and Jesus honestly, humbly, soberly, without rose-colored glasses.

So here are some of the recurring questions, which I now pose to you, dear reader.

  • Why do you like the guy? What in him draws you in? Is it his personality, his faith, his character, his what?
  • Is he part of and committed to (serving, giving to, involved in, etc.) a local church? Is it a healthy, spiritually mature (and maturing) church?
  • Is his character known or unknown? If not, why not? If so, what has his character proved to be? Reckless or steadfast, flaky or faithful, bitter or forgiving, selfish or selfless, etc.
  • How does he respond to suffering? Can he endure?
  • How does or doesn’t he submit to authority in the church (this is an indicator of his capacity/willingness to submit to the Holy Spirit)?
  • Why does your heart seek relationship with him? To put an insecurity to rest? To assuage loneliness? Or something else?
  • Do you like him based on who he actually is? Or are you actually more drawn to a version of him that only exists in your head?
  • Can he lead you spiritually—towards Jesus, through the trials of this life, through your own sin? Is he like Jesus in that his character is strong enough, steady enough, steadfast enough for the both of you? Is he one that can be depended on? Does he show forth the fruit of the Spirit?

And you have to actually want to know the answers because if you don’t, you’ll be closed off to the truth.

For instance, I could be honest and ask the Holy Spirit to search me and know me and show me if there were selfish reasons in my heart when I desired relationship with The Guy. It was easy to be open to anything there.

But all along, even though it was the first question I asked myself, I kept myself closed off to the answer of if The Guy could lead me spiritually, if our personalities and tendencies and giftings and maturities and all that jazz were such that I could not only submit to him but he could actually lead me like Jesus leads the Church—without passivity, with grace, with strength, with love, with action, with sacrifice. I made all sorts of unconscious excuses.

There’s no way for me to know that since I’m not in small group with him.

I have such a limited window.

It would be arrogant and prideful of me to say he couldn’t lead me. Etc..

But the truth that the Holy Spirit was pressing on all along was that no, The Guy couldn’t lead me. Not because there was anything wrong with him or because I’m ultra mature or anything like that. It’s as simple as me being a disaster, full of fear, full of sin, full of so many things that require a certain type of man I mean boy I mean guy to love and cherish and lead me through.

Yeah, by the grace of God, I’m bearing fruit, good fruit, Holy Spirit fruit, but there’s going to be sin in me until I die, and if I’m to run this race well—and if I’m to do it married—the dude has got to lead me like Jesus, has got to remind me of Jesus.

And, as I finally let the Holy Spirit tell me, The Guy isn’t that boy man guy. He and I don’t… fit together, if that makes sense. Neither is defective or better or anything, we’re just not fitted for each other.  And that’s okay.

It’s so so so important to be honest with yourself and be open to the Holy Spirit actually answering the questions, even if the answer isn’t what you want to hear. Otherwise, you’re just deceiving yourself and living in a type of false reality of your own making, and the truth isn’t in you. Let the Holy Spirit lead you. Submit yourself—your heart and your will—to his wisdom and authority.

So anyweys.

That’s all for this week. As per usual, if anything doesn’t make sense or you have any questions, feel free to comment or contact me directly! <3

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – sorry for the late posting! Internet was down at my house so I had to wait until I could go to a coffee shop to use the free wifi and drink the not-free coffee.

p.p.s. – next week I think will be about who to talk to about your crush and why it’s important to be transparent with a couple of mature Christians about your StirringsTM.

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August 18, 2020

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So I Liked a Boy [Part Three: Stop Praying Your Own Will Be Done]

Hello, hello, kids.

It’s Tuesday, which means it’s time for part three of So I Liked a Boy; here’s part one and part two for your consideration, if you’re new.

This week we’re talking about what it can be like to pray about a crush and what it shouldn’t be like. I hope these things don’t feel law-ish to anyone. It’s not about doing x y z or doing anything in a particular order or a particular way. I’m just speaking from my own experience and what God revealed to be in my heart, speaking of the tendencies I have that I learned were symptoms of other things, and how Jesus led me into a better thing.

Let’s get started.

so i liked a boy pt 3

Now that we’re actually praying…

Sooooo, when I eventually started praying about The Guy and my StirringsTM, my default setting was to pray that God would take away my feelings ASAP.

It was all very “let this cup pass from me” and “have mercy on me, Son of David” and “deliver me from this body of death” and all that sort of stuff which in the Bible was prayed under great duress. Because apparently in my life, it must all be done melodramatically.

At the time, I was certain that such feelings (aka: a crush) were a sign that I wasn’t satisfied in Jesus and thus idolizing romantic relationships, and that felt like the worst thing ever. So whenever I prayed, I was like, “TAKE IT FROM ME, GOD.”

I wanted the easy way out.

I wanted what felt like a problem to go away. I wanted relief. I had tunnel vision. I prayed for weeks on end that God to take away my crush.

Gradually, gently, the Holy Spirit left a question mark in my head whenever I prayed the crush would go away until I wondered if maybe—just to cover my bases—I should add something like “but have your way in all these things, God” to end of my prayers about my crush. You know, just in case God’s will was different than mine.

Full disclosure, this conscious thought of what if my will isn’t God’s will wasn’t around for more than a second before my brain was like, “wHAt iF IT’s JEsUs’ WILL ThAT WE DAtE??” And then I was praying for that too. I traded My Will Of No Crushes for My Will Is To Date The Guy.

Because clearly God’s will can only be one of two things when you have a crush.

  • Option 1: to take the crush away ASAP.
  • Option 2: to make it end in dating (and then marriage).

Friends, there is a third option when it comes to God’s will that I discovered by the grace of God after much trial and error.

  • Option 3: to do something more mysterious and wonderful through the season of liking a boy.

About Loving God’s Will…

It’s one thing to try to impose one’s will on God (which is what I did). It’s another thing to grudgingly accept his will (did that too). It’s another thing altogether to love the Father’s will (excuse me?).

The Holy Spirit convicted me of giving lip service to God’s will. He convicted me of living a type of pretend where I said I wanted God’s will but in my heart cherished my own way. He convicted me of holding on to my desires and my vision of how things should go. He convicted me of unbelief and (again) trusting in myself.

So I stopped praying that the crush would go away. I stopped falsely praying “your will be done” with an endgame of dating in the back of my mind. I started praying, “Not what I will, not what I can see, but what you have for me, whatever that may be.”

My heart slowly settled under the will of God, stopped straining one way or the other, stopped trying to see the way out.

It took months. “Search me, know me. Have your way in me, all of it, no matter what it looks like. I want what you have for me. I trust you to not waste all this preoccupation and fear and questioning and longing.”

Loving God’s will doesn’t come naturally to me. Instinctively, I love my own way, and my flesh likes to make it seem like because God’s will is so mysterious sometimes, I can’t love it. But the more I know God, the more I trust him, the more the Holy Spirit helps me believe that his will is good and trustworthy and far better than my own.

I’m so thankful that Jesus didn’t answer my early, clumsy, short-sighted prayers about The Guy.

I would have missed out on so much if Jesus gave me what I wanted in the beginning. For me, God’s will (which he accomplished) was to:

  • increase my trust of him
  • teach me to lay down my will and all my different desires
  • teach me to lean into his wisdom and not my own
  • confront so many fears and confusions and lies and immaturities regarding relationships and guys in general
  • learn to love his will
  • and more.

I wanted to be bailed out, but God wanted something better for me.

He always plays the long game with the twin motives of his glory and our good. It wasn’t always fun (though it’s often genuinely funny to look back on), and it wasn’t easy because I have so much pride. But God got his way in me, and I’m so grateful for it.

So don’t pray that God will just take away your feelings. That fixes nothing. It sounds good at first; it sounds like the mature thing to do.

But the thing to do is let Jesus walk you out into the hard training ground where you give over your very will and hold fast to his instead, not knowing what it means or where he intends to take you. And you do it again. And again. And again until your wandering heart trusts God when you can’t see what he’s doing.

Do you believe that God wants something better for you? Do you believe his definition of “better” is far more glorious than your own?

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – here’s a hint at what’s coming next week. The feeling: “Wow, he loves Jesus so much and is so passionate for everything of God.” The fact: him loving Jesus is not enough; as far as qualities in the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, him loving Jesus is the bare minimum.

p.p.s. – I don’t know how long this series is going to last; I’m guessing another four posts? We’ll see what God does…

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August 4, 2020

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So I Liked a Boy [part one: intro and storytime]

So, I liked a boy. Like liked a boy. For nearly ten months. So this post is about that, and hopefully it’s helpful to some of you. This’ll be a bit of a series; I guess we’ll see what God does.

Full disclosure, this feels very, very difficult to share on the internet, but here we are.

crush 1

Storytime

He’s from my church here in Texas, one of the church-planters who uprooted their lives to tell people in Texas about Jesus. I started noticing that I noticed him July 4, 2019. All the college age small groups were going out to watch fireworks together (remember when we did things like that? Before Covid?). I’d been feeling really curious about him, so I approached him as subtly as I could and struck up a conversation.

Things went downhill from there in the following weeks and months. I liked this kid, and I had it bad.

I was soooo drawn to him, noticing (what felt like) everything—the way he’d pray, so full of faith and zeal. The way he would throw everything he was into worshipping God. The way he didn’t flirt with girls. The way he was wild. The way he was intentional with people who visited our church. The way he did anything Jesus asked of him 2300%.

I don’t know what a crush is like for you, but let me tell you what it’s like for me (trust me, this is going somewhere helpful, but it seems necessary to tell more of this story).

I would go to coffee shops and get a flutter in my stomach hoping and dreading accidentally running into him. Whenever his name came up in a conversation, my attention was jerked there like I was on a string. Every Sunday I noticed where he was in the lobby before church started.

My mind spun scenarios where I’d do or say something Really Freaking Amazing and he’d notice me. I wanted to be beautiful and mysterious and impressive and aloof and vulnerable all at the same time. I thought of a bunch of questions I wanted to ask him. I wondered what it would be like if he liked me too and we were to date.

I liked this guy for ten months, and by the grace of God, I am not the same now as I was on July 4, 2019, when I was beginning to get all infatuated. Jesus taught me so much through this season, and I’ve felt pressed to share it—starting with the things I felt silly for feeling and doing and thinking.

I was embarrassed.

This one probably won’t be universal, but I was so embarrassed that I liked him. Not because of anything in him (to this day, my vision no longer colored in roses, I hold to the fact that this dude is pretty freaking amazing).

Maybe I felt embarrassed because of the single Christian girl culture I know (i.e. that you’re either immature and boy crazy or you’re mature and thoughts of boys never enter your head ever). To me it felt like if I liked someone, I must not be satisfied in God or content in the singleness he’s given me. It felt foolish and immature to like a boy.

In my head I had built up this image of what a single girl should look like chasing after Jesus. Her head wouldn’t be turned by anything so petty as a boy. Her heart was given over to Jesus forever and always. She didn’t daydream about a boy; at worst she considered the necessary details of life; at best she ruminated on the rich things of God. Her singleness never felt hard. She was too mature to notice a guy’s haircut. She was too mature to be distracted by a guy nodding along to excellent points in a Bible teaching. She was too mature, too strong, too pre-occupied with the things of God to notice anyone of the opposite gender. Blah, blah, blah.

I was also embarrassed because it felt like incredible weakness to have affections stirring in me that were not returned. It felt shameful and wasteful (yeah, we’re going to have to talk about 1) why I didn’t try to make anything happen with him and 2) why I want to date as few guys as possible before getting married [if marriage is something Jesus has for me]).

All this to say and show that I was under a lot of lies, because that’s what all those fears were—lies.

The truth I learned:

It’s actually natural, healthy, and not at all immature to have a crush. And that it’s actually very necessary to think and pray about a crush a lot because how else are you supposed to seek God’s face on what

  1. could be nothing or
  2. also could become the most life-defining relationship you will have with another human.

For some, this may seem obvious. It wasn’t obvious to me. I felt like I must be idolizing a relationship if I was distracted and actually having to sort through my affections and attractions. I felt like I must be All Out Boy CrazyTM because I was crushing on some super amazing, faithful, faith-filled dude from church.

Anyway, that’s the start of the story and all the good things Jesus reworked in my heart over those ten months. I want to share a lot more on Penprints about this because there’s so much it would have been so good for me to know sooner but I either didn’t think to ask about or felt too embarrassed to ask about (embarrassment will be a running theme).

Other things we’re going to get into:

  • why I didn’t try to get him to notice me/like me
  • what it was like laying down desire to know him and be known by him at the feet of Jesus… and then pick it up again… and then lay it down again
  • remaining focused on Jesus and his mission while feeling distracted
  • how the crush finally (finally) went away
  • truly trusting Jesus
  • general holiness
  • miscellaneous other things (like other fears that came up [including but not limited to body image, who he liked, etc.], being humbled, locking down my daydreams, etc.)

Don’t expect these posts in any particular order! We’ll just take ‘em as they come. I’m praying that it will be helpful for other single people to hear about the season that Jesus made so helpful for me.

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. –  tbh, this whole thing feels like my much less explicit version of The Reynolds Pamphlet from Hamilton. I definitely have a lot to learn about humility if this post feels like ruining my own life. Yikes. *awkward thumbs up*

p.p.s. – if anything I shared is confusing, leave a question in the comments or contact me directly! <3

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February 4, 2020

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God, The Christian Life, Uh, This is Random

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Christian, You Must Wake Up

Christian You Must Wake Up

Christian, what would you say your purpose is, as a follower of Jesus?

Christian, why did Jesus save you?

He didn’t save you so that you could live a comfortable life here on earth and then breeze past hell into heaven.

He didn’t save you so you could find fulfillment on earth in things other than himself.

He didn’t save you so you could chase your dreams or make a name for yourself.

He didn’t save you so that you could go on living your life and treating the immortal God like a side dish to your existence.

He didn’t even save you so you could go to church on Sundays and serve in the church.

He didn’t save you so you or your family could be insulated and “safe” in a squeaky clean Christian bubble.

He didn’t save you so you could hop from church to church as if you were a shopper unsatisfied with all the current church models.

He didn’t even save you so you could find a comfortable church home to go on Sundays, raise your babies in, squabble about chairs or pews or leadership, and be largely in the same spot spiritually five years from now as you are today.

He didn’t save you so you could eventually decide that you don’t need or want to be a part of his church.

He didn’t save you so you could occasionally read a Psalm and talk about the importance of hope.

Jesus came to earth, died, came alive again, and saved you so that you could have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). And when he said that, he wasn’t talking about your dreams or happiness. Jesus’ view of an abundant life is both incredibly general and incredibly specific.

Abundant life, eternal life, is knowing God (John 17:3). And when we know God, we love him. And when we truly love him, we obey him. And when we truly obey him, we show that we know him. And when we know God, truly know him, nothing is the same.

Jesus saved you to give you himself, and by doing so, give you unspeakable joy and zeal.

But joy in what? Zeal for what? The things of his heart, not yours.

Jesus didn’t save you so you could adopt some good mindsets and values from him. When Jesus saves someone, he’s after their whole mind, their whole heart, their whole life, everything. He wasn’t being melodramatic or figurative when he said people were going to have to lose their lives to follow him (Matthew 16:25).

How much do you think Jesus is worth if you aren’t giving him everything you’ve got? And by everything, he does mean everything—every attitude and intention of your heart; every desire and dream; every cherished, socially acceptable sin; every minute of your time. Jesus didn’t come to reform you in part; he came to save you and turn your entire world upside down, saved you to lay claim to everything in your life.

Anything short of everything is unacceptable (and if you think otherwise, how well do you actually know God?).

Christian, stop slumbering in mediocrity. Stop being content to do church (or not do church as the case may be).

“Lord, Lord.”

Near the end of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount in Matthew, he says this: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” (Matthew 7:21-23)

This passage kind of makes me sick.

“Lord, Lord, did I not cast out demons in your name? Did I not do miracles in your name?”

And even to these, Jesus will say, “I never knew you. Depart from me.”

If even those who have (seemingly) done great things for Jesus aren’t actually his disciples, where does that put most American Christians? Where does that put people who don’t even read their Bibles? Where does that people who don’t worship? Where does that put people who tolerate sin in their lives? Where does that put people who aren’t making disciples?

What will Jesus say to you on the last day?

Christian, you must wake up.

Christian, you were saved to have eternal life, which is knowing God.

You were saved to be about the mission that Jesus called you to.

You were saved to grow and change and become more like Jesus.

You were saved into Jesus’ Church, without which you cannot be and do everything that God has called you to be and do.

You were saved to go home to Jesus at the end of all this, to rejoice in him with all his saints.

Don’t hear all this as saying you’re not doing enough. “Enough” is vicious, perfection-based word. Hear all this as call to think, to consider if you’re too easily pleased by this world, too contented with the status quo of your life, too American-minded in your knowledge of God and his heart. I know I have been.

I have settled for far less than what God wants for my life. I have been indifferent and slow to kill sin. I have been dazed and distracted by this world and the things I’ve wanted out of it. I have chased my dreams instead of God. I have not seen God as he is and thus my response to him, his love, his words, and his commands has been lackadaisical.

But no more.

I hope the same for you. Christian, for the sake of your soul, for your joy, I beg of you: wake up.

With love,

Rosalie