My Dear Future [an open letter] [volume ii]

My Dear Future

My dear Future,

You’ve been bothering me again in recent months, invading my thoughts. I’d thought I’d dealt with you in my last letter, but I suppose I’ll need to deal with you in some manner for the rest of my life. But we’ve really got to stop doing this. Don’t pretend you’re innocent.

“What about tomorrow?” you constantly whisper. “What about next week, next month, next decade?”

What about when one of my roommates gets married later this month? It’s going to be so good but so sad since she’s become one of my dearest friends and will (understandably) be moving out.

What about when the new roommate moves in? What will that be like?

Questions. Questions. Questions.

All you bring up is questions, Future.

Questions about when my church is going to be strong enough to start planting other churches. I wonder who God will call to go and when. My best friends? Me? Where will we be sent first?

Questions about my small group. When will we be able to multiply (split from one big group into two smaller groups)? Which group will God call me to? Which friends will I stay with, which ones will I separate from?

Questions about tomorrow and later this week. Will they be smooth days? Or will I be on the rocks, fighting off spiritual attack and barely riding out the growing pains of my soul?

And what about when more of my friends start dating? What then?? What will that be like? How will Jesus sanctify us all through that process? What about me? What if I were to start dating? What if I never date? How will this look, what will it be like? Will I be able to honor Jesus with it, or will it be a struggle where I refuse to lay down my will?

Future, you’re spitting out questions like crazy. My attention is often on you, Future (which is probably all part of your plan). You inspire creeping fear. You demand a plan for every eventuality and especially the impossibilities. You demand I prepare. You demand that I always be thinking of what’s to come, forgetting what’s right in front of my face.

Enough, Future.

I won’t play your game.

I’ll think of Eternity, but not you, Future. (Oh, yes, I see the difference now. Screwtape told me the difference between Eternity and you, Future, so now you don’t get to hide in ambiguity.*)

I’ll think about when I get to be face to face with my beloved Jesus. But no more questions about tomorrow or next week or what might be to come. I will look forward to what is sure—Eternity, life forever with Jesus, but that’s it, Future.

I’ve been built and called to hope for heaven, for Eternity, for Jesus.

But I exist in this moment, in this day. I live in the Present, not you, Future.

I will not survive the Present until Future hopes and fears do or do not come to pass.

I will not survive the Present even just to make it to Eternity’s golden shores.

Today is the day my Lord has made. This moment is the moment my Lord has made. I will rejoice in it. I will live it.

Right now is where I am, and right now is where I will all be. Not hands in the present and eyes on you, Future. No, instead: hands in the Present, eyes on Jesus, heart fixed on what he’s doing today.

Today’s joys and pleasures—simple and wild and mundane as they are.

Today’s battles and responsibilities.

Today’s bread.

Today’s cross.

Today’s grief.

Today’s glory.

Everything I’m given today is good. I don’t expect and get goodness only in you, Future. I get good things now, today, every day.

I’m forgetting you, Future.

Yes, I’ll pray for the things to come—the friends to be saved into Jesus’ everlasting kingdom, the sanctification the Holy Spirit will continue to bring about in me, and all such good things. But my heart, my attention, isn’t fixed on you, oh Future. My mind and attention are no longer yours to play with. My heart, my mind, my attention are no longer stuck on next month’s small group multiplication or 2022’s church plant. Not next year’s boyfriend or next decade’s singleness. Not tomorrow’s growth or next week’s grief.

So, you can shut your mouth, Future. I’m going deaf to you and all your questions because I trust my Jesus and I want what he’s giving me today.

I’ve been given today; I’m living every moment of today.

Sincerely,

Rosalie

p.s. – yeah, kids, I’m finally back at the ol’ blog. I don’t know what it’s going to look like, only that it seemed like God was nudging me to get back into the game. So here I am.

p.p.s. – you can check out the original open letter that I wrote in 2018 to my dear future shortly before I announced that I was moving to Texas.


*In one of C.S. Lewis’s towering Screwtape Letters, he addresses the difference between being fixed on/hoping for Eternity and being obsessed with/a slave to the Future. He distinguishes Eternity and Future from each other by saying that being preoccupied with Eternity is being preoccupied with Jesus while fixating on the Future is more of being consumed with what could happen in this life—expecting things to get “better” at some vaporous Future date, fearing things will get worse, etc..

This distinction has been personally incredibly helpful because focus on Eternity reveals solid hope and faith while my fixation on the Future reveals fear and lack of trust. Both are forward-thinking, but one is far more helpful than the other.


 

Christian, Your Bible Is Your Life

I’ve written so many versions of this post over that last few months trying to get it right. At this point I don’t care if it’s “right” because I just know it’s true.

Also, I may have already posted something similar to this on Penprints a while ago. But here we are again because this is something that’s worth repeating every single day for the rest of your life:

Christian, the Bible is your life.

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I’ll say it again.

Christian, the Bible is your life.

From the instant you wake up to the moment you fall asleep—and even the moments in between—you are prey to attack from the enemy: temptations, lies, discouragements, and distractions, whether you realize it or not. And most Christians don’t realize it anymore.

Most Christians don’t realize that just because Satan can’t rip Jesus’ elect out of the Father’s hand doesn’t mean that Satan the accuser isn’t trying to destroy Christians any way that he can. He’s prowling around like a lion just looking for someone to devour.

Satan and his demons are master deceivers. They’ll trick you into locking yourself into a cage built on lies—lies about yourself and God. They’ll say things like: Yes, there is grace, but you still need to earn God’s love.

God’s disappointed in you. He doesn’t approve of you.

God gives rewards, not gifts.

How embarrassing that you’re so weak.

It’s okay if you don’t tell anybody about that sin you commit in secret; you can fight it on your own.

Someone else would be better equipped for this task than you.

God’s silence means he’s angry with you.

They’ll lull you to sleep, wooing you into complacency until you die in your foolishness. You already understand forgiveness. Why study it anymore?

You’ve already heard so many sermons on Galatians. Why listen anymore?

You’ve already arrived, you already have so much wisdom, so shhhh, this teaching doesn’t have anything for you.

They’ll accuse you, taking you down again and again and again until you simply stay down, pierced through with flaming reproaches that burn you from the inside out. Remember this sin? The one that always comes to mind when you hear the word “sin.” That disqualifies you.

If you really loved Jesus, you wouldn’t feel this way.

You’re such a fool.

You should be doing more.

Christians shouldn’t be depressed.

And most of the time, they do all this without your notice and certainly without your consent. They’re constantly working in the background, leveraging difficult emotions and painful, unseen hurts and lies that you already believe to sow more lies, despair, distraction, foolishness, and death.

So often, these thoughts that slip through our heads or these feelings of shame or accusation that wash over us that we a) don’t take any real notice to, b) pass off as our own thoughts, negativity, and low self-esteem, or worst of all c) even mistake as a the Holy Spirit’s right conviction are actually a type of attack.

So subtle we don’t even notice, but we still feel the effects—the weariness, the despair, the shame, the heaviness, the guilt.

And if we do notice, we think it’s the Holy Spirit telling us to get our act together or something like that. But that’s not how the Holy Spirit relates to Christians. That’s not how God speaks to his redeemed children hidden in Christ. The New Testament is filled with truth like: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” So why would God’s voice sound condemning or accusing? It wouldn’t. It doesn’t.

Yes, the Holy Spirit convicts, but he doesn’t do so on a basis of guilt or shame. The Holy Spirit convicts with the gentleness and kindness that leads us to repentance, not mere regret.

So how can we know what God’s voice sounds like?

His Bible.

Christian, the Bible is your life.

More than anything else in this world, the Bible is your life.

It is God’s chosen self-revelation to his people, his spoken words written down and sovereignly, miraculously preserved for thousands of years.

It is solid, absolute truth that can be wielded as a weapon and fled to as a refuge.

The heavens and the earth will pass away, but God’s Word, his Bible, will stand forever.

Yes, it is difficult and confusing and ancient and prone to make people uncomfortable, but all those difficulties lie with us, not with the Bible.

Ours are the small, finite, fallen minds that are so easily distracted and thrown into confusion.

Ours are the hearts so overtaken by pride that we judge and question what God did and chose to pass to us as if we have any right to speak back to the only Holy One of Israel.

Christian, the Bible is your life.

It is what shows you who God is—mighty and merciful, holy and kind, just and gracious, zealous and tender. It is what tells you what’s true. It is what trains your heart to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit from the lies and accusations of the enemy. It is what fills your soul. It is what teaches you wisdom. It is what unfurls the life, death, resurrection, and glory of Jesus for all to see.

There is no self-help book, no act of self-care, no mental health routine, no pep talk, no vain positivity, no drug, no drink, no fantasy, no TV show, no novel, nothing that can give you life or see you to the end of this life in joy. Any “solution” apart from the Bible is a lie.

Christian, my beloved, your Bible is your life.

It is not optional. It is not for when you happen to have the time. It is not for when you’re feeling like reading the Bible. It’s not for feel-good, flowery Instagram posts. It’s not for a reading plan you start in Genesis and stop somewhere in Leviticus. It’s not for ignoring.

It is life, truth, and wisdom. It is for life, for enduring, for rejoicing, for remembering, for meditating on, for preaching to the ends of the earth, for repentance, for fighting the good fight, for finishing the race.

Every day of our lives we’re at war, whether we know it or not. We’re going to end up harassed and beaten down by all manner of temptations and deceptions, limping through life instead of walking in the victory and freedom of Jesus if we don’t know the Bible.

Christian, the Bible is your life. Do you know that? Do you?

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – This theme has kept coming up a lot for me since I moved to Texas in January, and it finally came out in words that make sense (mostly). Also, I didn’t link to any of the verses these truths were pulled from because those links never get used, so if you want me to include links to verses and passages in the future, let me know in the comments!

p.p.s. – thanks for hanging in with me while my posting schedule has been all over the place these last six months. You guys are the best. <3

p.p.p.s. – I’m 80% sure there’s a typo or two that eluded me. My apologies. I would blame it on my blogging rustiness, but we all know I’ve always had typos.

p.p.p.p.s. – Also, I couldn’t write this post without including this gif.

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p.p.p.p.p.s. – here’s a link to a post from last year about when you don’t understand the Bible if Bible reading feels especially hard for you.

Beloved: In the Lord, Your Labor Is Not in Vain

“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord, your labor is not in vain.” – 1 Corinthians 15:57-58

beloved your labor is not in vain

When we serve Jesus, there always seems to be a little lying voice that invariably springs up whenever it gets the chance.

The voice says, “Give up. It’s not worth it. Nothing will come of it.”

Give up on getting up half an hour earlier to read your Bible. It’s not worth it.

Give up on talking to that person. It’s not worth it.

Give up on praying for that sickness. It’s not worth it.

Give up on your marriage. It’s not worth it.

Give up on holiness. It’s not worth it.

Give up on worship. It’s not worth it.

Give up on trusting people and being vulnerable. It’s not worth it.

Give up on fighting temptation. It’s not worth it.

Give up on church. It’s not worth it.

Give up on this ministry. It’s not worth it.

Give up on that relationship. It’s not worth it.

Give up on waiting for a change. It’s not worth it.

It’s too hard. It’s taking too long. Give up. Get swept under. Lose hope. Lose faith. Give up. It’s not worth it.

But Jesus says, “Be steadfast. Your labor is not in vain.”

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Jesus’ life was surely one of perseverance and steadfastness as much as it was a life of grace and love.

As little as we know of his childhood, he likely endured a certain level of contempt regarding his birth, which looked scandalous and disgraceful to world. During his ministry, he endured temptation, rejection, the unbelief of others, the great wear and tear his ministry must have taken on his body, reviling, constant attempts to entrap him by those who hated him, great crowds of people seeking him for his teaching but perhaps more for his miracles, and being very misunderstood, even by those closest to him.

And then, after all that, after a life of enduring, of persevering, of exemplifying steadfastness, he endured more, persevered more, exemplified steadfastness more. He endured the physical torment, abuse, and shame of the cross as well as the unspeakable emotional and spiritual anguish of the wrath of God, his Father.

And none of it was in vain. In all of it, Jesus was and is perfectly victorious.

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“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord, your labor is not in vain.” – 1 Corinthians 15:57-58

Your prayers and tears and grief for your grown child to come back to God are not in vain.

Every week you lose sleep to get up early and get to church early to set up so that the service can run smoothly is not in vain.

The anxiety attack that hits you while you’re trying to lead in worship is not in vain.

The words you’ve invested in others—from the long, deep conversations to the simple “hello”—are not in vain.

The decision to deal with a crabby, missed-a-nap baby in favor of going to church is not in vain.

Every single time you open your Bible, it is not in vain.

The small group that struggles or seems hard is not in vain.

The acts of fidelity you make every time you turn away from sin of all kinds are not in vain.

The forgiveness that is hard, that you wrestle with, is not in vain.

The prayers for salvations or your own sanctification are not in vain.

The song you lift in worship when it hurts the most is not in vain.

Every risky letter or text you send in love is not in vain.

Every weight of depression you press through is not in vain.

Every scrap of loneliness you refuse to let ebb into self-pity is not in vain.

Every hardship or setback you meet as you toil along the climbing way, looking for the day Jesus welcomes you home, is not in vain.

It. is. not. in. vain.

It is not in vain because Jesus will always accomplish what he intends to in every act of faithfulness, no matter how weary you are, no matter how thin your faith seems, no matter how many times you slipped and fell along the way, no matter if you had no idea how it would ever be for your good.

Jesus bought the victory—which he gives to you—with his own blood, his display of ultimate steadfastness and fidelity.

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So entrench, beloved.

Where it seems like you’ve been slipping, like an avalanche is always one misstep away, when it seems fruitless and hopeless, when you can’t see God moving in your ministry or your life, when you wonder if it matters for anything, when you can’t see the point, when the enemy would have you doubt if it’s even the work of the Lord anymore, entrench.

It may still be hard. It may not turn out how you think it should. It may hurt. But it is not in vain.

Beloved, don’t give up.

Beloved, Jesus gives you his own victory.

Beloved, be steadfast, immovable, despite the doubts and questions and pain.

Beloved, always abound in the work of the Lord.

Beloved, in the Lord, your labor is not in vain.

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – there won’t be a post here on Penprints next week! Details to come to those subscribed to my newsletter!

The Day of Nevermore [a poem]

To be clear, I am not a poet.

I enjoy poetry and have tried many times to write poetry. It rarely works out, and I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s “worked out” in this case.

For instance, I don’t really know where the commas are supposed to go, so I stuck commas at the end of each line and periods at the end of each thought/stanza/thread.

Also, it’s not a traditional poem, but it’s also not a straight up free form poem. Sometimes it rhymes. Sometimes it doesn’t. Some parts are three lines, and others are nine or ten. That kind of bothers me. But it is what it is, and I’m done tweaking it.

Here I present: The Day of Nevermore.

the day of nevermore

I look to the Day of Nevermore,
And yearning swells within me,
Deep and rising to an outpour.

In bed I lie awake and think and ache,
For the day of Nevermore,
Is the last day of heartbreak.

Light will rise and darken nevermore,
Finally, I will see my Savior-Lord.

And every sorrow that sent the strong,
Weeping to the shower floor,
And every vice that gripped and gored,
And every lie that broke and bruised and tore,
And every note of strife and discord,
And every curse that burned to the core,
And every failure that cut like a sword,
And the grief that seemed the only loyal mentor,
And every shameful word and awful act of war,
And every loss the dark night had in store,
It will all be over forevermore,
Come the Day of Nevermore.

The Day of Nevermore,
It’s the first day of forevermore.

These words will be no more,
On that bright, bright Day of Nevermore:
Alone, afflicted, abused, accused
Bleeding, bruising, bitterness,
Blame, betrayal, brokenness,
Crushing, cruel,
Division, dejection, depression,
Distress, damage, disappointment,
Enmity, emptiness,
Failure, fault, frustrate, fear,
Grief, guilt,
Hate, hostility, harm,
Inferiority, inequity, injury,
Lament, loneliness, loathing, lacking,
Misery, marring, mauling,
Plague, peril, prejudice, poison,
Ruin, regret, rejection, revenge,
Slander, scorn, spite, sorrow, shame,
Tragedy, trouble, trial, torment,
Ugliness, uninvited, unworthy,
Vitriol, venom, vice, void,
Wounded, wretched, war,
All such words will meet their final end,
When God does as He intends.

Nevermore will nightmares invade our rest,
Nevermore will we crumble in the test,
Nevermore will doubt destroy peace,
Nevermore will weariness overtake,
Nevermore will pride divide,
Nevermore will shame overshadow,
Nevermore will fear bind and break,
Nevermore will grief overflow,
Nevermore will hope seem vain,
Nevermore will strength wither,
Nevermore will suffering reign.

It will be on the Day of Nevermore,
The mending of all that came before,
Perfection He will forever restore.

We won’t puzzle over what He’s doing anymore,
We’ll see it clearly on that Day of Nevermore,
And we’ll answer with a shout, a song, a roar,
And God Himself we will forever explore.

I look for the Day of Nevermore,
It will be the best day,
And every day after will be even better,
Forevermore.

In the dark I lie awake,
I wait for the Nevermore daybreak.


Do you write poetry? Are you a traditional or free form poet?

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. if you want a piece of encouraging excellence, check out Dear Heartbreak by Heidi Melo. I love it so much I printed out and put it on my bedroom wall.

My Dear Future, [an open letter]

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My Dear Future,

I do not know what you hold. You are the great unknown. You strike fear into my heart. I lose sleep. I bite my fingernails to nothing.

People ask me questions about you. I hate it when they do because then I must admit that I simply do not know you, my own dearest, daunting Future.

You are the next three days.

You are the next three months.

You are the next three years.

You are the next three decades.

Oh, my dear Future. I see so many painful inevitabilities. I see in you unexpected death, broken relationships, rejections, heartache, tears, confusion, new failings, and goodbyes that will break me.

And what is still more frightening is the knowledge that you, my dear Future, quickly become my Present. In what seems like a single pulse of my heart, tomorrow will become today, and next year will become this year.

I will make goals that I will not meet. I will let relationships dissolve. I will watch people I once knew grow and change from a distance. I will make promises only to break them. I will start days with joy and singing and end them with silence.

But I try to put on a smile when it comes to you, my dear Future. I make my plans, answer the questions that just won’t stop, and pretend I know what this whole thing is about.

I don’t know how to talk about you, my fear-drenched Future. I don’t know how to ask for help, am terrified to show weakness, for it seems that once people realize just how much I don’t know, there will be blood in the water. I fear rumors and raised-eyebrows and being seen for what I really am.

But now I see how I’ve gotten this all so wrong. I see that I’ve been following the wrong stars in my thinking. It is, as it turns out, ridiculously simple (but then I am often ridiculously slow).

Here it is: you, my dear Future, are not about me.

My Savior King is the centerpiece, the end of you, the sum of you, my dear Future.

And the fear I have for you, my dear Future, is treason. The fear I have for you—the kind that changes the way I think and make decisions all on an axis of self—should not belong to you. My Savior King is the only One with a rightful claim to my fear, my attention, my decision-making—all on an axis of Jesus.

In so many ways, you are unknown, my dear Future. Unknown to me. But not to my Savior King. And when I am afraid, I can trust in him, can remember who he is. Because my Savior King is the Most High God, the Lord of hosts, King Jesus.

And you, oh Future, hold only my good and his glory.

One day, someday in you, my dear Future, he will return in his glory, and on that day, he will be known as God and King in all the earth.

That day seems so far off, but it is the most real thing I know of you, my dear Future. And it is that one known, promised day that must define every breath drawn into my lungs.

The goals for my near future—the days leading up to my Savior King’s return—are all at once fuzzy and in sharp focus: love God; love people; worship; make disciples; magnify my Maker.

These are my next three days.

These are my next three months.

These are my next three decades.

These are the rest of my life.

And, no, my dear Future, I don’t know what that will always look like—where or with whom. And, yes, I know I will make many mistakes. But I am by no means significant enough or powerful enough to derail the plans of my Savior King.

And when the goodbyes break me, he will lift my head. And when I fail in new ways and all the old ways too, he will pick me up and remind me that his grace covers me. And when relationships fall apart, he will tell me that love covers all offenses.

And, yes, dear Future, I am still afraid of you, but my Savior King does not condemn me for even this treason.

Instead, every day, bit by bit, he calls me to grow more and more confident in him. Every day he gives me what I need to walk on water until one day I will look at you, my dear Future, with no fear or dread. I will be treasonous no more for I will remember always that the greatness of my Savior King knows no equal.

My dear Future, my hopes and dreams live in you.

So I will build my life—this short existence on this pale blue dot—upon the Cornerstone. And he—not I—will bring to pass things more splendid than I can imagine, treasures of silver and gold that will echo into the eternity I spend with him.

My dear Future, I do not know most of what you hold, but that is okay.

With love,

Rosalie