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February 11, 2020

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God, The Christian Life

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Let Your Love Go Back To Sleep [an open letter to restless singles]

Note: Before we get started, let me just say that this is not a post bashing marriage or romance or desires for those things. Desire for marriage is normal and God-honoring; God made us to be romantic creatures. Most people end up called to marriage. But whether you’re called to singleness or marriage, desire for relationship isn’t ever supposed to rule or guide you. Only Jesus is supposed to rule you.

It’s the week of Valentine’s Day. Buckle up, Christian singles, we got some ground to cover. *insert sunglasses emoji*

For the purposes of this post, let’s make an analogy. Let’s pretend your love—your innate desire for romance—is a little kid. It’s the middle of the night, and the kid isn’t supposed to be awake yet, but it is. The kid is up and about and causing all sorts of mischief.

let your love go back to sleep

Dear Restless Single,

Let your love go back to sleep.

In Song of Solomon, three times Solomon’s bride urges the women of Jerusalem not to stir up or awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4).

I say the same to you, beloved.

Don’t stir up your romantic desires. Not yet. Not before it is time. If you’re not ready for marriage and God isn’t calling you toward marriage right now, don’t pursue a relationship. Let your love sleep. Let the romance-seeking parts of your heart lie dormant. Don’t seek out what God’s not doing right now; don’t stir up desire for what’s not God’s will right now.

If you’re looking for, hunting, going after a relationship, so many things can go wrong. There are many dangers. Not only this, but if you’re looking for a relationship, if you feel like you need a significant other, these are symptoms that something is misaligned in your heart, a symptom you’re looking for love for the wrong reasons.

Indeed, we chase romance for many, many reasons.

Because we’re lonely. Because we think the affection of another person will make us happy, will finally lay to rest our insecurities and that creeping sense of unworthiness. We want to believe we’re desirable, want to be wanted, and we think we’ll get that from a relationship.

We want to feel necessary to another person. We want to be thought of, doted on, chased.

We want a family. We want sex. We want someone to tell us all the reasons they love us.

We want someone to go out on dates with, someone to come home to, someone to wake up next to. We want someone to tell us that all the things we’re afraid might be true about ourselves—our personalities, our hearts, our bodies—are all just baseless lies.

We want someone to bring home to the family, an answer when an aunt or grandma asks if there’s anyone special.

We don’t want to feel broken, undesirable, passed over. We think a relationship, a spouse, will prove to everyone—our parents, our friends, ourselves—that there’s nothing wrong with us, that we’re not defective, that we’re worth wanting, that we don’t need pity because we’re not alone anymore.

Desire for a relationship, beloved, desire to escape singleness and not embrace it, stems from so many fears and misconceptions about yourself, marriage, love, and mostly God.

Beloved, this will sound like a cliché, but it’s true: all you need is Jesus.

A spouse won’t make you happy. A spouse won’t fill all your needs. A spouse won’t meet all your desires. All because you weren’t made simply to be a husband or a wife. You weren’t made to be satisfied in another person. You were made to be satisfied in God. You were made to hunger for God, and all your other hungers are echoes of that one hunger.

If you aren’t satisfied while single, you won’t be satisfied when dating or married.

There are dangers in loving waking up too soon.

For one, it’s harder to be single and content when love is awake too soon.

Remember the kid analogy? It’s harder for you to do anything when you’ve got a kid running around. Imagine trying to wash dishes while the kid’s getting into the fridge. Imagine trying to have a conversation while the kid’s trying to do somersaults down the stairs. Imagine trying to read while the kid’s trying to do karaoke. Imagine trying to sleep when the kid thinks it’s time for a pillow fight.

So imagine trying to be happy/content as a single person when you’re consciously or subconsciously looking for/desiring a relationship. I don’t have to imagine, and I doubt you do either. It’s just common sense that contentment in singleness can be tough just on its own, but it’s especially tough when you’re often thinking about what a relationship might be like.

Second, you’re more likely to settle for less than what God wants for you. If you just want a relationship, over time, you lower the bar because you just need someone. So you might settle and end up married to someone who doesn’t love Jesus more than they love you. Maybe even someone who doesn’t love Jesus at all.

Beloved, this is far, far, far more dangerous than you realize.

Third, or rather in general, sin has more of an opportunity to gain a foothold in your life—through discontentment, grumbling, sexual desire, self-pity, and a bunch of other avenues. When you’re looking for something that God isn’t doing right now, it never ends well because sin is crouching at the door.

Distraction can set in. It’s so easy to get turned off the mission Jesus has given us (i.e. – make disciples). It’s easy for our eyes to go everywhere but God. Are you looking for a relationship, or are you looking for what God’s doing? Are you too preoccupied with your latest crush that you can’t see the opportunities to make disciples today? Are you focused on God, or are you focused on an imagined relationship well on its way to becoming your god?

Flirtation. You just want to be wanted, paid attention to. I know what that’s like. So you start flirting with people who aren’t yours to flirt with (i.e. – they’re not your significant other). It seems innocent, harmless, but it’s not. Don’t you see that you’re using them? Flirtation just causes more confusion in your heart and theirs.

Recreational dating. This is all-around damaging. You may tell yourself you’re looking for the one, but you end up sampling the minds, hearts, and bodies of a bunch of people who aren’t the one, entangling yourself with people again and again, forming ties only to break them again and again, and all that’s left is heartache. It’s not really a training ground for commitment.

Go to sleep, love.

But how can we keep love sleeping? Honestly for most of us, love’s already awake and has been for quite some time.

For me, love has been awake for as long as I can remember. Our hyper-romanticized culture woke up my love long before I ever knew that it is safer, happier, better to let sleeping kids dogs lie. It’s probably the same for you. All the music, all the movies, all the books, all the apps. Fixation on romance and relationships is all around us.

But we can help love go back to sleep by identifying the things that can stir up our desire for a relationship.

Monitor your romance intake.

Remember that we’re thinking of love/desire for a relationship as a little kid. And we’re trying to get this kid to go to sleep. But there are these bells that ring that keep the kid awake, that make the kid think it’s time to be up and hungry. You can stop ringing the bells. (This analogy makes a lot of sense in my head; I hope it makes sense to you.)

  • Avoid romantic movies (yeah, Little Women, Pride and Prejudice, all the rom-coms, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, etc.)
  • Avoid TV shows that have a strong romance focus/subplot (which is honestly most of them)
  • Avoid listening to music about romance and relationships (emo break-up songs and beautiful love ballads can be equally unhelpful)
  • Get off social media where all your friends are getting in relationships and posting pictures of all their adventures with their significant other
  • Stop reading books that focus on romance (I’m not even talking about romance novels; I’m talking about “clean” books that whet emotional desire)
  • Don’t take those goofy click-bait-y Buzzfeed quizzes about what sort of mate you attract (you know of what I speak)
  • Stop looking at those memes/diagrams about the perfect enneagram/MBTI pairings

All those things (and more) can be cut out (it’s the lawful vs. helpful business). In fact, if you’re feeling restless for romance, drop all the things on this list for a solid month and see if a relationship isn’t on your mind so much.

These are the things you can control, practical things you can do. Think of avoiding these things as giving the kid a bottle of Nyquil or a few capsules of melatonin. They are going to help your love sleep, but they aren’t going to actually repair imbalances/aches in your heart that keep you awake.

The Lord of your heart.

This part is last for a reason. This is the thing you need to come away with more than a list of practical does and don’ts. Hopefully, this is what sticks with you.

Trust Jesus. Like, really trust him. And where you don’t trust him, ask for grace to trust him more. If you’re afraid of being alone, it’s a signal that you don’t trust Jesus. If you feel like you’re running out of time or need to get someone’s attention, it’s a signal that you’re not trusting Jesus. Trust him. Your patience—or lack thereof—is telling to how much you trust him.

Pray—not for a relationship or even that your romantic desires go away. Pray instead that Jesus simply aligns your heart with his.

Love Jesus. Don’t be in love with romance. Don’t be in love with singleness. Be in love with Jesus. Grow in love for him. Trust him enough to lay down whatever he calls you to lay down. Trust him enough to submit to him. He’s far wiser than your wandering heart.

Where you can’t trust him, where it doesn’t seem like he and his love are enough, pray that he changes your heart. Ask him to show you what his love is truly like (because if you’re looking for love somewhere else, that’s a sign you’re not seeing his love like it is).

Let him be the Lord of your heart not just in theory or word but in reality.

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – I hope this post makes sense, kids. I wrote this because I wish I’d been able to read this and be warned years ago.

p.p.s. – Again, please don’t take this to mean that romance is bad. It’s not. Desire for romance is not bad either. Romance is simply at it’s best when it’s when and how God designs it to be.

p.p.p.s. – Also, if you made it to the end of this monster huge post, dang. Go get yourself a box of novelty matches, kid.

p.p.p.p.s – Here’s another post from a couple years ago about being sad to be single, if you need it.

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February 4, 2020

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Christian, You Must Wake Up

Christian You Must Wake Up

Christian, what would you say your purpose is, as a follower of Jesus?

Christian, why did Jesus save you?

He didn’t save you so that you could live a comfortable life here on earth and then breeze past hell into heaven.

He didn’t save you so you could find fulfillment on earth in things other than himself.

He didn’t save you so you could chase your dreams or make a name for yourself.

He didn’t save you so that you could go on living your life and treating the immortal God like a side dish to your existence.

He didn’t even save you so you could go to church on Sundays and serve in the church.

He didn’t save you so you or your family could be insulated and “safe” in a squeaky clean Christian bubble.

He didn’t save you so you could hop from church to church as if you were a shopper unsatisfied with all the current church models.

He didn’t even save you so you could find a comfortable church home to go on Sundays, raise your babies in, squabble about chairs or pews or leadership, and be largely in the same spot spiritually five years from now as you are today.

He didn’t save you so you could eventually decide that you don’t need or want to be a part of his church.

He didn’t save you so you could occasionally read a Psalm and talk about the importance of hope.

Jesus came to earth, died, came alive again, and saved you so that you could have life and have it abundantly (John 10:10). And when he said that, he wasn’t talking about your dreams or happiness. Jesus’ view of an abundant life is both incredibly general and incredibly specific.

Abundant life, eternal life, is knowing God (John 17:3). And when we know God, we love him. And when we truly love him, we obey him. And when we truly obey him, we show that we know him. And when we know God, truly know him, nothing is the same.

Jesus saved you to give you himself, and by doing so, give you unspeakable joy and zeal.

But joy in what? Zeal for what? The things of his heart, not yours.

Jesus didn’t save you so you could adopt some good mindsets and values from him. When Jesus saves someone, he’s after their whole mind, their whole heart, their whole life, everything. He wasn’t being melodramatic or figurative when he said people were going to have to lose their lives to follow him (Matthew 16:25).

How much do you think Jesus is worth if you aren’t giving him everything you’ve got? And by everything, he does mean everything—every attitude and intention of your heart; every desire and dream; every cherished, socially acceptable sin; every minute of your time. Jesus didn’t come to reform you in part; he came to save you and turn your entire world upside down, saved you to lay claim to everything in your life.

Anything short of everything is unacceptable (and if you think otherwise, how well do you actually know God?).

Christian, stop slumbering in mediocrity. Stop being content to do church (or not do church as the case may be).

“Lord, Lord.”

Near the end of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount in Matthew, he says this: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” (Matthew 7:21-23)

This passage kind of makes me sick.

“Lord, Lord, did I not cast out demons in your name? Did I not do miracles in your name?”

And even to these, Jesus will say, “I never knew you. Depart from me.”

If even those who have (seemingly) done great things for Jesus aren’t actually his disciples, where does that put most American Christians? Where does that put people who don’t even read their Bibles? Where does that people who don’t worship? Where does that put people who tolerate sin in their lives? Where does that put people who aren’t making disciples?

What will Jesus say to you on the last day?

Christian, you must wake up.

Christian, you were saved to have eternal life, which is knowing God.

You were saved to be about the mission that Jesus called you to.

You were saved to grow and change and become more like Jesus.

You were saved into Jesus’ Church, without which you cannot be and do everything that God has called you to be and do.

You were saved to go home to Jesus at the end of all this, to rejoice in him with all his saints.

Don’t hear all this as saying you’re not doing enough. “Enough” is vicious, perfection-based word. Hear all this as call to think, to consider if you’re too easily pleased by this world, too contented with the status quo of your life, too American-minded in your knowledge of God and his heart. I know I have been.

I have settled for far less than what God wants for my life. I have been indifferent and slow to kill sin. I have been dazed and distracted by this world and the things I’ve wanted out of it. I have chased my dreams instead of God. I have not seen God as he is and thus my response to him, his love, his words, and his commands has been lackadaisical.

But no more.

I hope the same for you. Christian, for the sake of your soul, for your joy, I beg of you: wake up.

With love,

Rosalie

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January 7, 2020

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My Dear Future [an open letter] [volume ii]

My Dear Future

My dear Future,

You’ve been bothering me again in recent months, invading my thoughts. I’d thought I’d dealt with you in my last letter, but I suppose I’ll need to deal with you in some manner for the rest of my life. But we’ve really got to stop doing this. Don’t pretend you’re innocent.

“What about tomorrow?” you constantly whisper. “What about next week, next month, next decade?”

What about when one of my roommates gets married later this month? It’s going to be so good but so sad since she’s become one of my dearest friends and will (understandably) be moving out.

What about when the new roommate moves in? What will that be like?

Questions. Questions. Questions.

All you bring up is questions, Future.

Questions about when my church is going to be strong enough to start planting other churches. I wonder who God will call to go and when. My best friends? Me? Where will we be sent first?

Questions about my small group. When will we be able to multiply (split from one big group into two smaller groups)? Which group will God call me to? Which friends will I stay with, which ones will I separate from?

Questions about tomorrow and later this week. Will they be smooth days? Or will I be on the rocks, fighting off spiritual attack and barely riding out the growing pains of my soul?

And what about when more of my friends start dating? What then?? What will that be like? How will Jesus sanctify us all through that process? What about me? What if I were to start dating? What if I never date? How will this look, what will it be like? Will I be able to honor Jesus with it, or will it be a struggle where I refuse to lay down my will?

Future, you’re spitting out questions like crazy. My attention is often on you, Future (which is probably all part of your plan). You inspire creeping fear. You demand a plan for every eventuality and especially the impossibilities. You demand I prepare. You demand that I always be thinking of what’s to come, forgetting what’s right in front of my face.

Enough, Future.

I won’t play your game.

I’ll think of Eternity, but not you, Future. (Oh, yes, I see the difference now. Screwtape told me the difference between Eternity and you, Future, so now you don’t get to hide in ambiguity.*)

I’ll think about when I get to be face to face with my beloved Jesus. But no more questions about tomorrow or next week or what might be to come. I will look forward to what is sure—Eternity, life forever with Jesus, but that’s it, Future.

I’ve been built and called to hope for heaven, for Eternity, for Jesus.

But I exist in this moment, in this day. I live in the Present, not you, Future.

I will not survive the Present until Future hopes and fears do or do not come to pass.

I will not survive the Present even just to make it to Eternity’s golden shores.

Today is the day my Lord has made. This moment is the moment my Lord has made. I will rejoice in it. I will live it.

Right now is where I am, and right now is where I will all be. Not hands in the present and eyes on you, Future. No, instead: hands in the Present, eyes on Jesus, heart fixed on what he’s doing today.

Today’s joys and pleasures—simple and wild and mundane as they are.

Today’s battles and responsibilities.

Today’s bread.

Today’s cross.

Today’s grief.

Today’s glory.

Everything I’m given today is good. I don’t expect and get goodness only in you, Future. I get good things now, today, every day.

I’m forgetting you, Future.

Yes, I’ll pray for the things to come—the friends to be saved into Jesus’ everlasting kingdom, the sanctification the Holy Spirit will continue to bring about in me, and all such good things. But my heart, my attention, isn’t fixed on you, oh Future. My mind and attention are no longer yours to play with. My heart, my mind, my attention are no longer stuck on next month’s small group multiplication or 2022’s church plant. Not next year’s boyfriend or next decade’s singleness. Not tomorrow’s growth or next week’s grief.

So, you can shut your mouth, Future. I’m going deaf to you and all your questions because I trust my Jesus and I want what he’s giving me today.

I’ve been given today; I’m living every moment of today.

Sincerely,

Rosalie

p.s. – yeah, kids, I’m finally back at the ol’ blog. I don’t know what it’s going to look like, only that it seemed like God was nudging me to get back into the game. So here I am.

p.p.s. – you can check out the original open letter that I wrote in 2018 to my dear future shortly before I announced that I was moving to Texas.

*In one of C.S. Lewis’s towering Screwtape Letters, he addresses the difference between being fixed on/hoping for Eternity and being obsessed with/a slave to the Future. He distinguishes Eternity and Future from each other by saying that being preoccupied with Eternity is being preoccupied with Jesus while fixating on the Future is more of being consumed with what could happen in this life—expecting things to get “better” at some vaporous Future date, fearing things will get worse, etc..

This distinction has been personally incredibly helpful because focus on Eternity reveals solid hope and faith while my fixation on the Future reveals fear and lack of trust. Both are forward-thinking, but one is far more helpful than the other.

 

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July 16, 2019

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Christian, Your Bible Is Your Life

I’ve written so many versions of this post over that last few months trying to get it right. At this point I don’t care if it’s “right” because I just know it’s true.

Also, I may have already posted something similar to this on Penprints a while ago. But here we are again because this is something that’s worth repeating every single day for the rest of your life:

Christian, the Bible is your life.

Christian, the Bible Is Your Life.jpg

I’ll say it again.

Christian, the Bible is your life.

From the instant you wake up to the moment you fall asleep—and even the moments in between—you are prey to attack from the enemy: temptations, lies, discouragements, and distractions, whether you realize it or not. And most Christians don’t realize it anymore.

Most Christians don’t realize that just because Satan can’t rip Jesus’ elect out of the Father’s hand doesn’t mean that Satan the accuser isn’t trying to destroy Christians any way that he can. He’s prowling around like a lion just looking for someone to devour.

Satan and his demons are master deceivers. They’ll trick you into locking yourself into a cage built on lies—lies about yourself and God. They’ll say things like: Yes, there is grace, but you still need to earn God’s love.

God’s disappointed in you. He doesn’t approve of you.

God gives rewards, not gifts.

How embarrassing that you’re so weak.

It’s okay if you don’t tell anybody about that sin you commit in secret; you can fight it on your own.

Someone else would be better equipped for this task than you.

God’s silence means he’s angry with you.

They’ll lull you to sleep, wooing you into complacency until you die in your foolishness. You already understand forgiveness. Why study it anymore?

You’ve already heard so many sermons on Galatians. Why listen anymore?

You’ve already arrived, you already have so much wisdom, so shhhh, this teaching doesn’t have anything for you.

They’ll accuse you, taking you down again and again and again until you simply stay down, pierced through with flaming reproaches that burn you from the inside out. Remember this sin? The one that always comes to mind when you hear the word “sin.” That disqualifies you.

If you really loved Jesus, you wouldn’t feel this way.

You’re such a fool.

You should be doing more.

Christians shouldn’t be depressed.

And most of the time, they do all this without your notice and certainly without your consent. They’re constantly working in the background, leveraging difficult emotions and painful, unseen hurts and lies that you already believe to sow more lies, despair, distraction, foolishness, and death.

So often, these thoughts that slip through our heads or these feelings of shame or accusation that wash over us that we a) don’t take any real notice to, b) pass off as our own thoughts, negativity, and low self-esteem, or worst of all c) even mistake as a the Holy Spirit’s right conviction are actually a type of attack.

So subtle we don’t even notice, but we still feel the effects—the weariness, the despair, the shame, the heaviness, the guilt.

And if we do notice, we think it’s the Holy Spirit telling us to get our act together or something like that. But that’s not how the Holy Spirit relates to Christians. That’s not how God speaks to his redeemed children hidden in Christ. The New Testament is filled with truth like: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.” So why would God’s voice sound condemning or accusing? It wouldn’t. It doesn’t.

Yes, the Holy Spirit convicts, but he doesn’t do so on a basis of guilt or shame. The Holy Spirit convicts with the gentleness and kindness that leads us to repentance, not mere regret.

So how can we know what God’s voice sounds like?

His Bible.

Christian, the Bible is your life.

More than anything else in this world, the Bible is your life.

It is God’s chosen self-revelation to his people, his spoken words written down and sovereignly, miraculously preserved for thousands of years.

It is solid, absolute truth that can be wielded as a weapon and fled to as a refuge.

The heavens and the earth will pass away, but God’s Word, his Bible, will stand forever.

Yes, it is difficult and confusing and ancient and prone to make people uncomfortable, but all those difficulties lie with us, not with the Bible.

Ours are the small, finite, fallen minds that are so easily distracted and thrown into confusion.

Ours are the hearts so overtaken by pride that we judge and question what God did and chose to pass to us as if we have any right to speak back to the only Holy One of Israel.

Christian, the Bible is your life.

It is what shows you who God is—mighty and merciful, holy and kind, just and gracious, zealous and tender. It is what tells you what’s true. It is what trains your heart to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit from the lies and accusations of the enemy. It is what fills your soul. It is what teaches you wisdom. It is what unfurls the life, death, resurrection, and glory of Jesus for all to see.

There is no self-help book, no act of self-care, no mental health routine, no pep talk, no vain positivity, no drug, no drink, no fantasy, no TV show, no novel, nothing that can give you life or see you to the end of this life in joy. Any “solution” apart from the Bible is a lie.

Christian, my beloved, your Bible is your life.

It is not optional. It is not for when you happen to have the time. It is not for when you’re feeling like reading the Bible. It’s not for feel-good, flowery Instagram posts. It’s not for a reading plan you start in Genesis and stop somewhere in Leviticus. It’s not for ignoring.

It is life, truth, and wisdom. It is for life, for enduring, for rejoicing, for remembering, for meditating on, for preaching to the ends of the earth, for repentance, for fighting the good fight, for finishing the race.

Every day of our lives we’re at war, whether we know it or not. We’re going to end up harassed and beaten down by all manner of temptations and deceptions, limping through life instead of walking in the victory and freedom of Jesus if we don’t know the Bible.

Christian, the Bible is your life. Do you know that? Do you?

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – This theme has kept coming up a lot for me since I moved to Texas in January, and it finally came out in words that make sense (mostly). Also, I didn’t link to any of the verses these truths were pulled from because those links never get used, so if you want me to include links to verses and passages in the future, let me know in the comments!

p.p.s. – thanks for hanging in with me while my posting schedule has been all over the place these last six months. You guys are the best. <3

p.p.p.s. – I’m 80% sure there’s a typo or two that eluded me. My apologies. I would blame it on my blogging rustiness, but we all know I’ve always had typos.

p.p.p.p.s. – Also, I couldn’t write this post without including this gif.

this weapon is your life.gif

p.p.p.p.p.s. – here’s a link to a post from last year about when you don’t understand the Bible if Bible reading feels especially hard for you.

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April 9, 2019

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What Keeps Me Writing

With my move to Texas, a lot has been thrown up in the air, and I’ve spent a lot of time frantically glancing at God and asking which things I’m supposed to catch and which I’m supposed to let fall out of my life, at least for now.

Of course, writing has been one of the things I’ve been wondering if it should stay or go, and I keep asking myself, “Why doesn’t the urge to write just die off? Why do I keep writing?”

what keeps me writing

I.

I cannot remember a time before I wrote. Yes, there was obviously a time before I could read and write, but I don’t remember it.

While that instinct to write comes very naturally, the writing itself is hard. It’s hard to wrangle a plot when it often seems like I don’t have a single plotting bone in my body. It’s hard to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite until it comes out right. It’s hard to make the time and muster up the motivation when I’m not feeling inspired (which, by the way, is most of the time).

But I keep coming back to it. What brings me back to it?

II.

I no longer find my identity in being a writer or storyteller—that was one of t things that used to compel me to write. I didn’t know who I was if I wasn’t a writer.

Now, I know that I’m Rosalie, a redeemed slave of God, a part of the bride of Christ. That is my identity, not writing.

With the death of my misplaced identity came a great sense of relief and freedom. It’s okay if I don’t write. It’s okay if I don’t tell stories. They don’t define me, don’t bring meaning to my life.

So what keeps me writing?

III.

One of my dearest friends has entered a season of her life when she isn’t writing anymore, and it feels strange to me to be writing without her, like something’s missing.

But why do I still do it?

IV.

It took me a long time to understand that my writing honors God. As a child of a culture addicted to functionality, I fretted over whether my writing could actually serve a purpose—especially storytelling, my native tongue.

Slowly, painfully, I’ve learned that my writing—my blog, my stories, etc.—doesn’t need to serve a practical, functional purpose.

It can, but it doesn’t need to in order to be valuable or honoring to God. God is glorified in my simple enjoyment in creating, and God is also glorified in my dedication to keep creating when it is less than fun.

My writing doesn’t have to “do” anything else.

I look around at this earth, this planet we’re richly blessed to live on. It doesn’t need all these colors. It doesn’t need all these wondrous creatures. It doesn’t need all these scents or these sounds. It doesn’t need all this beauty, this beauty that doesn’t do anything, that just is.

But aren’t there better things I could do with my time? Why do I keep coming back to writing and art?

V.

Last week I walked to the nearest coffee shop with a notebook tucked in my purse. I ordered a tasty coffee drink in the largest size and picked my spot. I breathed in a moment, whispering to God about an idea only two days old, and then I breathed out a story.

My mind was completely immersed in images and sensations, tangling with words and metaphors, forgetting fear, following the ebb and flow of the story. And I just wrote. And wrote. And wrote. And wrote. For hours. And as I wrote, confusion fled and healing for many things was finished as the ink dried on the pages. It was good. It was joyful.

Why did I spend hours in a coffee shop, drenched in words, writing a story?

VI.

I’ve gotten a lot of clarity about why I still write, hard as it is. There are many reasons, some solid and quantifiable, others more unmeasurable and more difficult to define (but no less real).

I keep writing because writing forces me to grow. It requires dedication. It requires consistency. It requires perseverance. It requires throwing off fear. It requires exploration and risk. It requires patience. It requires trying and failing.

What keeps me writing?

The thrill of creation, of building worlds from the ground up with sheer imagination. The discovery of new characters and personalities and journeys. The way that stories have impacted me, made me into who I am today much like friends. The awe and wonder that stories and storytelling calls out in my blood. The healing I’ve experienced through the act of telling stories. The knowledge that my creativity is a wonderful gift. The delight that my creativity is a special way I get to image Christ.

What keeps me writing?

Knowing I was designed for this—to write. Knowing I was designed to tell stories. Knowing it is a gift I’ve been given to help me make sense of life, to bring healing to completion, to have my imagination redeemed for good things, to enjoy God more, to grow in wonder, to endure and persevere, to see beauty ignite out of ashes.

VII.

I used to think that my writing was God’s gift to the world (yikes, I know). Now, I know that it is one of God’s gifts to me, for my personal good in so many ways, a gift I am privileged to sometimes share with the world.

VIII.

I’m incredibly proud of my creativity, not because it came from me or I worked for it or anything like that, but because I get to use it.

There was a time when I would have been to afraid to write that previous sentence because I feared my own pride so much that I couldn’t have simple confidence and delight in the gifts I’ve been given. I would have been afraid of people thinking I’m conceited.

I’m not afraid of that anymore. At least not about this.

So I’ll say it again: I’m incredibly proud of my creativity and my writing. I’m proud because I am creative in the image Christ. I’m proud because I know that everyone is built to reflect of image of Christ in a unique way, and I’m privileged and honored and humbled and proud and delighted to reflect God in this way: writing and creativity.

I hope I do it with right confidence and boldness all the days of my life.

IX.

I don’t know what this post is supposed to be. Don’t ask me what the Roman numerals are doing besides providing dividers between threads of thought that for some reason belong in this post but couldn’t flow together naturally.

This is, I suppose, more of a journal entry than anything else, an expression of what’s been cycling through my mind and heart… but also a revel in this way God has built me, for my good and his glory.

Thanks for reading. I hope it made sense (yikes).

With love,

Rosalie

p.s. – I seriously hope this post makes sense.

p.p.s. – I’ve written posts about why I write before, but I’ve been ruminating over it a lot (again), and I figured it’s never the wrong time for existential musings.

p.p.p.s. – I have this niggling feeling like there’s a typo (or seven) hiding out in this post, but they are invisible to my eyes. So, sorry about that. ;)